My Prince Charming Ain’t Online

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Thirty years in and still no soul mate and prince charming seems to be stuck in an eternal traffic jam. In fear of not being the old lady in a rocking chair surrounded by a million cats, I decided to be open to different ways of meeting potential mates. Yes, I made an online dating profile. I didn’t feel quite creepy enough to pay for a profile so I decided to go join Plenty of Fish. I had no idea what to expect, maybe meet a few handsome lads and exchange some messages just to feel like I was still in the game. I guess I should have looked for a coach or someone to prep me for what I was going to experience. The overwhelming number of messages that found their way into my inbox were almost enough for me to cancel. It was quite confusing since I can’t remember the last time a guy approached me in “real life”. Its either the ads showing how great the odds for meeting someone online are completely false or I’m just some sort of weirdo who attracts weirdos and is destined to be single unless I decide to settle down with a weirdo. Hmmmm, the experience definitely makes me want to re-examine who I am as a person due to the unsettling inquiries from men. Am I really what I attract?



Exhibit A:
photo 1

So how am I supposed to respond to this? Should my answer be, “yes, this shawty would love for you to sponsor an all expense paid shopping spree in ATL, I’m flattered?” Oh and by the way, “I love your profile picture, you look really handsome and endearing”. The fact that he said he was a rich man was enough to make me spit my juice out while reading this!

Exhibit B:
photo 2

Is this for real? Or is this one of my friends thinking that they are Ashton Kutcher, Punk’ing me? Wait, wait, oh is this guy a comedian? Yea, perfect time and place for jokes. Should I think that his profile picture is so funny that I reply? Ummm sorry but I don’t want to date one of the extras from Coming to America.

Exhibit C:
photo 3

This guy’s profile says he is 33 years old. Hmmm, he looks like he has his priorities in order. I think I’ll go for it! His idea of a gourmet meal is probably a two piece dinner at Popeye’s and thats definitely my type of party.

Yeah so my conclusion for now is that I will remain as single as a dollar bill because online dating is not where it’s at, at least for me! I am hoping that these guys are just nervous and awkward like me and just don’t know how to approach women. That would certainly explain why they took the time and energy to construct online profiles. I think I will just wait for prince charming to get out of that traffic jam.

Speed dating, anyone?


The 11th Commandment: Be Thrifty

From left to right as shown in photo: Printed jean Red Rover Brand, $.99, White jean fringed Levi’s, $2.99, Printed rayon White Stag, $.99
From left to right as shown in photo:
Printed jean Red Rover Brand, $.99, White jean fringed Levi’s, $2.99, Printed rayon White Stag, $.99

If you’re as lucky as I am, you were born with the ‘thrifty’ DNA strand embed in your genetic makeup. I was born with the strand and then modeled into a price conscious shopper by my mother and grandma. My mother is a woman who shops from the front of the store to the back, a clearance countess so to speak. I didn’t know some stores had sections outside of the clearance until I was an adult. This was not due to financial hardships as we lived a cushy life as I was growing up, this was mother’s compulsive obsession to never pay full price. My mother loves to sew so there were no limits to what we could do with our finds! Too big? We could alter it. Missing a button? Let’s get new ones! Grandma introduced me to thrift stores and yard and sales and is to blame for my addiction to the sound of hangers running across the bars in the store as I shuffle through random things looking for a treasure. I have her to thank for one of my favorite past times, shopping. As a young Mila, I got up every summer morning to head to yard sales and then hit the local Goodwill with grandma.

Fast forwarding to today, thrifting is “trendy”. Who knew? Thrifting is like a treasure hunt for me. I feel like a pirate looking for her booty on every trip. Yes, pun intended. On my latest trip to my favorite Volunteers of America on Henderson Road in Columbus, Ohio, I made a major come up. Three pairs of shorts for less than five dollars! I have big plans for these babies and can’t wait to rock them all summer…stay tuned, I might give you a peek!

Rules for thrifting: keep an open mind, never pay more than five dollars for any single item, look for posted “sales” on certain color price tags, give yourself plenty of time (lazy Sundays are ideal).

Now get out there and get your thrift on!

P.S. You will become immune to the smell after approximately two trips.