The Art of Being Selfish

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It’s tradition to be cliché on the last day of the year and reflect on the past year while simultaneously projecting on the future. I am a firm believer in the whole actions speak louder than words thing so I usually don’t have the hankering to share my thoughts with everyone. This year, I am going to be a little different since I have been an inspiration to some! Whoaaaa that’s really a mouthful, I’m seriously flattered and floored each time someone respects my thoughts and opinions, I’m thinking it’s a blessing to be able to share and spark something in others. Okay so if I could only suggest one goal for the next year, it would be to learn how to be selfish when necessary. I know I know, who is this single girl with no kids talking to? “I have kids, I have a husband, blah blah blah”…LISTEN! I’m talking to every single one of you, no matter your living situation or social status.

First, I think it’s important that we extract the negative connotation built around being selfish. One of my favorite resources, Dictionary.com, defines the word selfish as: devoted to or caring for oneself. Take some time for yourself! Are you hiding from yourself? I think many of us do for avoidance reasons. The greatest feeling is being in tune with your inner being. I dare you to sit in quiet with yourself for five minutes per day and just listen to your thoughts. Take a note pad and dream a little, get your creativity cranking! You can’t be happy without knowing what you want and ultimately working towards it! This is a Shemilaism, it’s one of my strongest beliefs. I have loosely quantified my goals and incorporated them into something visual; a mixture between a vision and goal board. During my five minutes, I’ll be peering at my visual for self-inspiration. Ya see through learning how to be selfish, I’ve learned how to inspire myself! If you have no direction, how do you know where you are going? A life with no goals is like leaving for a trip with no GPS, you will just be going in circles and your destination will never be reached.

Secondly, you should always make a vow to strive to be true and raw with yourself. Pull the wool from over your eyes and face the truth. This can sometimes be hard because living in denial doesn’t hurt as much as facing the truth. The hurt from the truth will serve as a building block in your strength chronicles. When you vow to keep it real with yourself, it becomes easier to distinguish what’s real and fake outside of yourself. None of this comes from a light place because I have faced the nasty truth several times and don’t believe in sugar coating or beating around any bushes. The initial sting may hurt but after pain there is relief, sort of like getting a tattoo. When you are going through it, it does hurt but the end result is something beautiful and something that you desired very much so. You desired it enough to commit to go through the pain.

Thirdly, accept feedback from others and be willing to lend truthful feedback as well. I believe that as a friend, it is my due diligence to always be real. I do not befriend fools and it’s important that if I think someone is going in a foolish direction or on the verge of making a foolish decision that I interject. I don’t fear losing a friendship over telling the truth because if there is no platform for the truth, I shouldn’t be present in the relationship. My friends often seek my opinion because they know it will be raw and nonbiased. I have a circle of fam and friends whom I can honestly say are rooting for me in EVERYTHING that I do and are my biggest fans. Can you say the same? At any point if there is some sort of dishonesty or excessive negativity, the weakest link has to go, goodbye. This is another variation of the ability to be selfish, don’t lose yourself holding onto something that isn’t real!

In being raw and truthful with yourself, you know when it’s okay to be selfish. By knowing when to be selfish, you are working on a better you and therefore your loved ones will benefit. Don’t be afraid to tell others no when you are being pulled in too many directions, your inner being will thank you. I think that often times people forget how easily we can be influenced and affected by the thoughts and actions of others. I am selfish enough to enter hibernation when and I need to and my closest friends and family understand that this is just me tunneling towards my dreams. There are some points in my life that nearly everything is dropped but my work ethic, while I shoot for the stars.

I charge everyone with the task of getting to know you better and converting thoughts into realistic goals. Turn your GPS on and set the destination for happiness. Let’s toast to last year’s trials and next year’s triumphs!

Until next time,

-M

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Cougar Season or nah?

I’m often caught in limbo because I’m not like the rest of the thirty year olds, or at least that’s how it seems. I don’t dress as sophisticated, I don’t wear as much makeup, my hobbies seem to be different, and I’m single with no children. I feel like my heart and spirit haven’t aged since I blew out twenty one candles! I do feel, however, that I am wise beyond my years. It’s like I’m mature and immature at the same time, am I a train wreck? I can contribute my knowledge to my many struggles and triumphs. I’m the go-to girl for many of the people in my life for a plethora of things. I’m just Witty Mila and she likes to ramble on and on, obviously.

The intro was necessary for the understanding of why I always look for the younger guys. The men in my age group just don’t seem to “get” me because I’m not like the rest of the women whom they’ve dealt with. It seems as if they have an idea of how someone like me should be and also assumptions regarding what I would want. Men say that women are difficult but I really think its due to all of these assumptions. I’m open and honest so just ask me what I want, sheesh! I don’t fit the mold so I’m often rejected or heck not even selected! It doesn’t break my heart but it does dampen my soul. I am a lover of all things off kilter and random and would die if my stomach didn’t hurt from laughter on frequent occasions. I feel as though I cannot live without having these few things from the opposite sex and that’s what makes the younger fawns more attractive. This may be against the norm for society, but I’m not ready for the picket fence and babies yet. I’m still working on aligning my future so that when I give birth to mini Mila’s, they can have a blueprint.

There’s something about my aura that gives younger men the go-ahead because they most definitely approach me before any men my age or older ever does. I won’t even share the age of the youngest guy that I’ve fancied. My question has been increasingly becoming: Is this a phase? Am I destined to live the life that of a cougar? Why do the cubs flock to me? Is seeming younger than what I really am a negative thing?
For some this may seem trivial but for me, its my life and the clock is a’tockin. For now, I don’t think I’ll change plus its winter time and cubs are more willing to cuddle. I’ve been diligently working on my goals for the new year to come, maybe I will incorporate this plight. Ugh, I don’t even know if it is a plight! You can’t force what isn’t mean to be right? I’ll just be growling and pouncing til further notice!

Purrr to the Grrrr!

-M

Technology: The Secrecy Thief

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As I’ve scrolled through my timeline on any given social network, I’ve been met with pictures of ultrasounds, babies with vaginal mucus on them, announcements of relationship status changes, and so many other private matters. I’m no hater and I have nothing but respect for the creation of life and will congratulate or compliment when necessary, but how am I, the girl who you worked with ten years ago more privy to information that you haven’t even shared with your extended family yet? The use of the internet and cellular devices has blurred the lines between what’s sacred and what should be public. Personally, I feel uncomfortable knowing about every argument you and your “baby daddy” have. Thank the internet gods for the block button! I have a spirit that is shy, goofy, and sensitive – so often times I don’t know if I should laugh, cry, or blush upon reading some of the things that are shared. I have been out to dinner with folks who let their food get cold as they try to get the picture of it for upload onto the internet for their followers to see. This is jaw dropping for me and a bit obsessive.

If you’ve read any of my other posts or know me in the flesh, you know that I am single. So of course, I have an overflowing amount of thoughts and theories on how the internet affects relationships and dating. A person is often times leading a double life via their social network which raises tons of issues. Let me break down a few types of those social network users for the purpose of putting things into perspective:

Sorrow-Filled Sally: This is the girl who is seeking some sort of attention but she isn’t sure what. She will fill your newsfeed with sorrow in all forms including pictures and sad quotes. She happens to know about all of the bad things going in the news and everyone in her town who dies. If anything negative occurs, Sorrow-Filled Sally will know before TMZ and she can’t wait to update her status or post a picture related to the event. Nothing good ever happens to Sorrow-Filled Sally and her negative posts will enter your spirit unknowingly and potentially ruin your day. Let Sally wallow in her sadness alone and steer clear, even if she’s your mom.

Bitter Betty: Betty is so bitter that the irritation flows through everything that she does. Bitter Betty has made some poor choice, is definitely single and she is angry at everything but mostly herself. Bitter Betty will be the only one who does not like you’re statuses or compliment any of your photos. She is filled with so much anger that you could be Jesus himself and it would not change her attitude. Just let Betty be bitter and stay away from this contagious type. She would love to suck the joy out of you.

Attention Seeking Andy: Oh Andy is just a jerk or at least tries to play the role of one. Andy will take any Attention rather it is positive or negative. He will post less than favorable pictures with the sole purpose of gaining a reaction. Andy does nothing but search the internet all day to find something to post on a social network, God bless his soul. We can only pray that one day Andy gets a girlfriend or realizes that he is missing out on many things in life due to his weird need to gain attention from a boat load of people who do not care.

Stunting Stan: We all know Stan. He only posts pictures when he buys something and it seems like he has never earned a favorable possession in his life. No one really knows Stan’s purpose of posting every pair of tennis shoes that he buys or his gaming systems. Perhaps Stan wants to get robbed, can anyone else think of a motive that Stan may have?

Perception Patty: Patty is one of my favorites. Patty will only post pictures after she has added at least three filters because she has to appear perfect. Patty wants everyone to perceive that her life is extremely perfect. Patty is usually miserable and single but she has a way with angles and her front facing camera that will give any professional photographer a run for their money. Just pray for Patty as you read her posts and look at her pictures. Hopefully one day Patty will realize that flaws are more attractive than the fact that she is obsessed with how she is perceived. Patty may not even know who she is, poor thing.

I could really go on and on with several different characters but my point is that we spend so much time on the internet that we begin to seek things from people who do not matter. I wouldn’t mind going back to my first cell phone, a red Nokia with the black letters on a green background for the screen. There was just something more pure about the cell phone with antennas. It seems like then, we only used the phone for calls and we actually talked to one another. A text will never be as intimate as a verbal conversation. The fact that we are sharing with the sacrifice of enjoying the actual thing that we are sharing is sad in itself. I personally am going to work on weaning myself from my iPhone and spend more time stopping and smelling the roses. Why don’t you join me?