Search and You Will Find


Trust Issues…Wow these two words together are impactful, that’s one thing that I know for certain. I can only speak on this subject from what I have observed because I don’t believe that I personally have an issue with trust. That’s right no daddy issues, no abandonment trauma, and no heart breaks…this means that I can speak on this subject from a place that most can’t. I have no reason to not believe what someone in my life tells me unless I visually see that something else is occurring or has occurred. I really do believe that everyone that I have let into my world has my best interest at heart. I think that for a woman of my age, I am more naïve than most, but this is perfectly fine with me. Being naïve leaves many aspects of life pure and uncontaminated, it’s a beautiful thing. A little purity in such a dark, cold, and dirty world can hardly be seen as a negative thing.

When a person comes up in conversation that I love, I speak of them in the highest regard and defend them when necessary. If I cannot do this, well…you aren’t my friend. If you aren’t my friend then you aren’t privy to my daily life. Ahhhhh, its refreshing thinking about that and how much time and experience it took for me to get to this point in life. Once I realized that everyone had a price on their forehead and I didn’t always have to find a way to afford some of those costly and tolling friendships, the quality of my life improved greatly. Who are you paying for that you can’t afford? Why haven’t you walked away and saved your money?

I digress, back to the trust issues. Okay so am I crazy or do you only look for things that you want to find? Car keys, your cellphone, your dad that you never met, your friend that got swallowed up by the cereal aisle in Kroger, the proper over the counter drug for your temporary ailment, oh you get my point by now, right? Alright so when a partner, spouse, fiancé or whomever starts snooping through their mate’s cellphone, Facebook, Email, or whatever, what does that mean? Does that mean that the trust has diminished? If I’m with you, I trust you. If I trust you, I have nothing to look for…right? It makes me wonder if I am the only one who feels this way when I see girlfriends commenting on every Facebook status or Instagram photo uploaded as if they are pissing on a tree like a dog to mark their territory. Some mates even go as far as sending a message to someone whom they seen leave a comment to stake their claim. When individuals enter into commitment, doesn’t their action tell everyone else to fall back? Okay, if you are reading this and you agree, can you scream out just to let me know that I am not out of my mind?

I am the type that does not feel the need to snoop for information. I trust first and this will never change. Without a shadow of a doubt, I have EVERYONE in my life’s best interest at heart and I have faith that they feel the same way about me. I will never jeopardize what’s right by telling someone I don’t trust them by snooping. The moment you feel the need to snoop, the trust is gone. If the trust is gone, well so is the relationship.
Gaining back lost trust is nearly impossible. If you don’t trust someone, they don’t belong in your life…AT ALL.

This post was brought to you by events that occurred during my weekend.

PS Stop saying “Trust No One”, you sound like a bunch of dumb asses!



Falling Walls

Being a cancer isn’t easy. I probably cry four out of seven days a week, I’m just that emotional. To be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My emotions remind me that I am alive! I love to feel it all, even the hurt. I am so in tune with my emotions that it’s often that my closest friends and I go back and forth having deep conversations via text, iMessage, and even email that I’ve initiated. One of the most popular topics is men and relationships, obviously. Today, I was emailing a long time friend when I had an epiphany filled moment. After I sent her an email, I read that email over and over again and in a weird way it was self therapy. The words that I typed were from my heart and reading them really touched me. It’s amazing how much I have evolved; I will never get over it. I am still evolving and I absolutely love every moment of it. I am enduring through the journey and in the words of Drake, “I love who I’m becoming”. Of course my friend’s response was glorious; she wouldn’t be my friend otherwise. I extracted these words for you below:

I sent:

On Tue, Mar 11, 2014 at 11:37 AM

Yeah idk like this time that I’m spending on it ( discussing men) right now just merely talking about it could be being used to do homework or catch up on my work in the office since I’m leaving early Friday…see what im saying? It’s like I can talk about it till I’m blue in the face but I don’t have the power to change fate or what will be. I can however cut people off; I do that in all departments lol…
I used to have low self esteem and thought that I had to entertain anyone who gave me the time of day because as amazing as I am I do not get a lot of male attention, I know that’s hard to believe right? But I’m beyond that, I know what I deserve and it’s just all frustrating, like I will never make sense talking about it because the whole thing is a hot mess and I don’t understand guys at all.
I flat out had a guy that I had an amazing vibe with tell me it was mutual and then nothing became of it soooooo like this is how I lose hope. I have never had quite that sort of chemistry with anyone else. Dead.

She replied:

On Tue, March 11, 2014 11:43 AM
Balance your life, you know I have hella ish going on, do the things you love to help the situation. & we can be done with this lol but your beautiful inside and out. Men will always come we have a kitty cat lol but remember attract what you are. It can be a lot worse, you’re in a better city better selection lol once your done with school plan your life and go after what you want even if it’s a man. Love you! & remember we work this hard to secure our future, you will have more loans, we like to shop lol don’t marry a broke man damn lol

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, I promise you that it’s therapeutic. Stay in tune with your emotions no matter what the journey you have chosen may be. Being emotional has its drawbacks but people who are like me are drawn to me, I like that. I don’t find someone who is always as strong as The Incredible Hulk to be attractive. Dare I say it but is someone who holds a façade that they cannot have an emotional break even real? We all have a breaking point, avoiding a catastrophe from occurring when that point is reached is where vulnerability can be of aid.

Remember that some walls that are built are just to see who will tear them down. Yes, that’s right some people want to actually see that you care and sharing exactly how you feel when you feel it is the easiest way to do this. Consistency is the hammer so keep beating at that wall when you feel it’s warranted if you really want who or even what is on the other side.

Stay emotional my friends.

Positively Real

Recently, it has been questioned as to how I can maintain a positive attitude even in the midst chaos. This is a question that is verbally hard to answer because the reasons for my style of living are far too numerous to quantify. When facing adversity, why can’t we all make a conscious vow to find the silver lining? I am a firm believer in the cliché that we often use when something unfavorable occurs, “Everything happens for a reason”. This is SO true! The hardest part is trying to avoid questioning why something is happening while it’s happening. It may be years before you realize the “why?” behind the “what”. I don’t know about anyone else but I often look in the rearview mirror of life’s car with teary eyes as I question how I was strong enough to endure life’s adversities. Sheesh, my eyes are full of water right now!

The key is to embrace the struggle. Everyone is not issued the gift of struggle for use in growing stronger and wiser as a person. No one is completely satisfied – remember that. To obtain and maintain happiness as a being, you must focus on you and only you. Trying to keep up with the Jones’ is a major mistake and will come in like a wrecking ball towards your wall of happiness that you are trying to build. Before you can even attempt to be happy, you have to find out what makes you happy. What makes your heart warm? What do you do that makes it hard for you to stop your lips from curving upward? What brightens your day? What activities are fun for you? Don’t be afraid of yourself, find out! You find out by just living without fear of making mistakes. Spend some time alone and as corny as it sounds, listen to your heart. Once you explore and find those things that make you happy, you must figure out a healthy way to incorporate them into your daily life. If there is anyone in your life who objects to your exploration, kick them out! Some people can’t form a sentence without complaining. These individuals don’t want to be happy, kick them out too. This is about you, plain and simple.

Once the choice of happiness has been solidified, you will take the time to work towards it. Yes, complete happiness is work! Faith without works is dead, duh! I am all about action over words, which is why I don’t take 88% of the people I encounter seriously. I watch the walk, what is talk? Talking doesn’t pay the bills and it certainly doesn’t give me any thrills. Hehe, Mila the rapper! Okay, I’m back. I just want to convey that I have found, in my years of living, that we make choices now that impact us later on in life. You are how you handle what life throws at you. We must be able to discern when to make a choice and how important and impactful that choice will be.

Choose Happiness, I promise it’s worth the work.

Later Gators,