The Spark


When you first meet a member of the opposite sex, is every meeting the same? My theory is that everyone possesses some sort of energy and that when two energies that are meant for each other come in contact, there is a spark. Its electric, boogie oogy oogy oogy?! For me, if that spark doesn’t happen, I’m leery of the initial and any future contacts with the fella in question. I’ve also found that the spark can exist with what seems to be the wrong guy; does the spark make the wrong right? In all of those wonderful Disney movies and romantic comedies starring Cameron Diaz, the spark is always instant but I believe that in real life, we have to sometimes do some rubbing to get the spark going.

So in true Mila fashion, I am going to share a list of things that get that spark going for me outside of rubbing a rock against his chest:

Honesty – Ohhhhh my gosh, even if what is being shared is unfavorable, the raw and uncut truth is sure to get that fire a-going. There is nothing sexier than someone who does not lie, I’m talking about the bold faced lies as well as the ones by omission. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m transparent so encountering someone who is an opportunist and/or dishonest is sure to be harmful to me. No country for sparks with a liar.

Physical attributes
– I really hated to put this on my list since I’m a ride or die fan of the anti-superficial movement but there are just some things that physically turn us on. For me, it is height and skin tone. There will be some sort of spark if the guy is taller than me and has the same skin tone as a Hershey bar. Call the fire squad if he has on some fresh kicks and his teeth are sparkling white.

Aggression – no, no, no, not in the Ike Turner way but just a guy who knows how to take initiative. Be a man with a plan, especially during our first few encounters. I just can’t really get jiggy with this new age stuff where the guy just wants to come sit on my couch. Take me out; show me off, I’m surely worth an ice cream cone or a matinee movie. Don’t just tell me you want to see me, ask me to go with you to walk your dog in the park or hell even ride through the automatic car wash with you. Just be aggressive like a man should be!

Humor – Whats the saying, if you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything? Welp, its freaking true! The funny guy always wins and I don’t mean the douche bag who’s “trying”. I’m talking about the cute corny stuff or the guy who laughs instead of getting angry. That is super sweet and so admirable. If he has a sense of humor and knows how to let things roll off of his back, no rock will be required to get sparked up!

The spark isn’t always there initially and it doesn’t always come later either. Be patient. We just have to be cautious as well and discern when to throw the rock down and when to keep rubbing. During my stay in Singletown, I am learning that the best relationships are the ones that no one saw coming. I love all things unconventional so I know that I will be working at the spark with whomever, whenever.

I’m headed outside to find the perfect rock. If you stay ready you ain’t gotta get ready, right?





H-A-I-R. Hair. Defined by Webster’s Dictionary as any of the numerous fine, usually cylindrical, keratinous filaments growing from the skin of humans and animals. Hair is a multi-billion dollar business from products such as shampoo and conditioner to the actual purchase of hair such as tracks or clip ins. You’re probably wondering why in the hell I’m talking about hair huh? For many of us women, its defines our style and can be referred to as our crown in a sense. If I am having a bad hair day, I will for sure have a bad day in general and probably will be dressed in something frumpy and unbecoming. I alter my style of clothing to go along with my hair. It is quite ridiculous sometimes and I’m embarrassed. Why can’t I be like the wonderful India Arie who professed to the world through song that she was not her hair and that it didn’t define her? Simple, influence. I feel like I’m less beautiful when my locks aren’t up to par.

Now let’s talk about why I should NOT be like this…simply put, there was a point in time when I had not one hair on my head. Yes, the poison called chemotherapy wiped it out. I tried to hold on to my hair as long as I could and even stopped combing it, just letting it sit there on top of my head. I can remember it like yesterday; I finally took a shower and got up the gusto to shampoo it. My hair just came out strand by strand in my hands. The experience was by far one of the most traumatizing things for me to go through. From the loss of my hair, I learned to adapt and probably had nearly a hundred head scarves, wraps, and hats. I didn’t want to freak myself or my friends and family out so I always kept my dome covered. After my hair began to grow back, I often wore it braided and then moved on to wearing weaves, something I swore I would never do before I went bald.

I am a woman of different hair styles and usually change it up every few months. Even years later, I am very uncomfortable with my natural hair because it just doesn’t seem like it will ever be the same as it was before it fell out. I share my private hair struggle to make the point that we are often fixated on superficial things that we shouldn’t be. Over the past year or so, I have been making big strides towards accepting my “new hair”. Don’t get it twisted, women and men should take pride in how they look and grooming is essential but where do we draw the line? I have seen women be bashed for not having the most expensive hair weave or even having thinner hair than the average girl. It’s disheartening and I think we all need to check ourselves sometimes. Look in the mirror, you aren’t perfect but you are magnificent and beautiful.

Below I’ll share India Arie’s video that I mentioned earlier, its very inspirational.

I am not my hair. I am not my skin. I am not your expectation.