Everybody plays the fool some time; well that’s what that signing group The Main Ingredient seemed to think when they shared their melody with the world. But I’m headed to the studio to remix those age old lyrics to some people play the fool all the time. I’m probably just feeling extra dramatic due to recent trauma in Singleville but I’m rolling with that for now. So what happens is you start getting to know someone new and everything is just going so perfectly. He’s sweet to you; you’re sweet to each other. You hang out whenever your schedules permit and you contact each other consistently on a daily basis rather it be via “good morning” texts, emoji exchanges or phone calls discussing random things or venting about your day. But then suddenly, it ceases. You never know when this will happen; you never know when the last interaction with this person is occurring. You go from two parties that were in courtship to two strangers… but nothing catastrophic has happened so you are left wondering what the hell happened. What went wrong? What did I do wrong? You run through the last interaction with this person to try to pinpoint exactly what occurred for this person to desert you only to come back with no answers for yourself.
I know that I am not the only person that this happens to because I have had discussions about these occurrences with males and females alike. There are a few things that I tell myself to get over it and to aid my diminishing confidence in the belief that the risk of letting someone new in is even worth it, here you go…maybe these will help you too when you end up back in square one with me:
FEAR – so maybe he was just becoming too invested in me. The last guy that I fancied openly told me that he was single due to his fear of being hurt again. Maybe he was starting to feel those butterflies or that weird lump in his throat when he was around me which meant that in a sense I was given the upper hand and he was becoming more vulnerable. He was “in too deep” so to speak so the lesser of the two evils would be to give up and just desert me. I wasn’t worth the risk of heartbreak. But unbeknownst to him, I am. Once I am in, I am all in, I fight for what’s right in all existing relationships in my life so the only heart vulnerable to breakage would really be mine. How could you do the very thing that you fear for yourself to someone else?
INADEQUACY – okay so I don’t like to toot my own horn but beep beep. I am doing well for myself and I think it’s pretty apparent that I like nice things and don’t mind putting in work for what I want. I think that maybe a guy who thinks he has less than me, or is below the preconceived standard that he thinks a woman of my caliber has, finally gets in his own head and he then talks himself out of further interactions with me in fear that I will judge him. But in the words of the then young singer JoJo, “It doesn’t matter where we go tonight, cause if I’m with you I’ll be alright. That’s cool but I’m looking for more, it’s your love that my heart beats for.” So basically, I am looking for someone that can teach me new things and that I can build with, if you are afraid of what you think I may have well then you aren’t the one for me. A man that is intimidated by me is definitely not the man for me.
JUST ANOTHER ONE– guys always think that they are one of many. I have no idea why they have the idea in their heads that I am talking to multiple guys at once but this is never the case with me, that’s not in my genetic build up and there certainly isn’t enough time in my day for such foolery. I like to give my undivided attention when I am trying to get to know someone and I feel like I owe that to them even when it is not being reciprocated. I still have morals, imagine that. Maybe it’s that I’m such a good catch that the guy feels defeated by some imaginary competition. Build up your confidence and then circle back around to me baby.
PROTECTION – I do believe in God, fate, serendipity and that what is meant to be will work out perfectly. So maybe the solution to this dilemma is simple, I am being protected. The God or the universe (whichever you wish to attribute it to) has a divine shield around me. The shield protects me from those with ill intentions and motives so something happens that I don’t know about that runs them away. If I am being saved by grace then I cannot be angry. I have to just go through the motions after the disappearance/abduction and get over it. I have to know that it was for the best and that there a better people out there. Even though the guy seemed like an amazing prospect as a permanent fixture in my future, it wasn’t meant to be.
Fate loves the fearless, remember that.