The Spill

I have just been in a whirlwind of craziness, chaos, and just been being too self-absorbed to take the time to share myself, but I’m back. I will be the first to tell you that working sixty or more hours per week between two jobs is NO JOKE, especially when you pair it with homework. Yikes! I have just successfully completed another trimester of school and I’m inches closer to my dreams. I’ve started so many posts, with no available time to finish, so I just have decided to aimlessly type because this is my platform, like duh…here come the random bullet points; enjoythem,my babies!

Winter as a Bach

It’s cuffing season again and my cuffs are handless. This is a surprise to everyone but me. Daaaang, I don’t want to toot my own horn but – beep beep! Like what is the problem? Why hast thou forsaken me? I feel like those who are in relationships or who have prospects have no idea what a single girl really goes through. The amount of hope I put into a new interaction with a male can’t even be quantified. When he finally ribits and reveals that he’s a frog, nowhere near being a prince, it’s just so heart breaking. It doesn’t get easier to accept either. I will be traveling through the winter months with my heating pad and hot toddies, all the while playing Mary J. Blige’s “Real Love” on repeat.

Sometimes, it seems that settling is a punishment I have given myself, but then I am reminded that I am triumphant when I get a glimpse of the lives that I could have chose. I will continue to enjoy my time by the fire and my bitter cold morning drives with the music blaring until someone wants to accompany me. He is more than welcome to eat but has to be able to bring something to the table as well. I may not be feeling warmth from someone’s touch, but I’m warm inside knowing how much I love myself and that I am showing the world through my choices to recognize my worth.

Forgiveness feels Warm

I just recently had an invigorating weekend with an old chum and it was like breathing a breath of fresh air. I honestly do believe that all things do come full circle. I also believe that some things are appreciated greater from afar. I parted ways with a friend that was really my sister; we shared the same parents and siblings – not through blood but through time and experience. Things fell apart because we were both growing rapidly and were so much alike that we bumped heads. It’s not about getting people to understand, it’s about doing what works and what brings delight. I think that absence was the best thing that happened for our friendship. A tragic occurrence lead to our friendship being brought back to life and I just really think that it was the work of destiny. I feel warm knowing that we forgave each other; it’s a beautiful feeling to let go.

Ended from the Beginning

Have you ever started something with someone knowing that it had no clear direction? I don’t do this often because I am one of these people who has to know why each person is in my life and what purpose they serve. I even sometimes “cut the fat” to feel sane. But there are those times when I start up a friendship or situationship that has no definition – it just is. I am a lover of organic things in life so maybe that’s the part of me that enjoys doing this. I started something roughly a year ago that has brought me more positive emotion than negative, and that makes me feel alive. Is that enough to allow it to continue? I’m sensitive and ooze passion so I am naturally putting more in than I should be, that’s one thing for sure. But damn there’s no reward without risk right? I hope someone feels me on this, or am I the only weirdo who does things of this caliber? I just want to FEEL, isn’t that what life is about? The cute little things that aren’t even worth mentioning when you tell the story back to your friends? Testing the waters? Living on the edge? It’s one of those things that you know could potentially be a bad investment, but that was brought to you so you feel like you need to explore. I’m at a Crossroad, will I see you there or just Bone Thugs N Harmony. Nah?

Ignorance isn’t always a Bad thing

This week I have just been living obliviously for the lack of a better adjective and I must say that it feels good. I think this is the secret to life. There are problems that exist, but as long as they aren’t detrimental, why worry? I have been counting my blessings and just enjoying every breath. I feel like this is the way to live life so why don’t I do it all the time? It’s really all about mindset; I mean you can literally dictate what will become of your day!!! Ya’ll don’t hear me though likeeeeee, whew! I had an epiphany somewhere between here and Sunday and I just feel high. I think that as long as we allow ourselves to release tension by using whatever method is comforting to us, we can live life elevated. It is truly all about those choices we make when we are feeling the most empowered.

Now that I have left you feeling like I’m an utter psychopath, my job is done.

Let go and live.

-M

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