Keep it Sweet

  
My music choices are too eclectic to understand. No for real, they go from Gucci Mane to Anita Baker. But in the lyrics, I often find the sweetest messages. Where are you going with this Shemila? Is that what you are thinking? Anyways, it’s almost time for that date that you drew a heart around on your calendar, Valentine’s Day. If you know me personally, then you know that for the past X amount of years, I have been observing it as Single’s Awareness Day instead. The tables have turned and there is a lad who is crazy enough to want to share time with me on this day we call a Hallmark hoax when we are single or without a special someone to share it with. Okay back to the point I was making about song lyrics, I heard Chaka Khan’s Funny Valentine while listening to one of my fav albums, The Waiting to Exhale soundtrack, and it made me sorta mushy.  

She sings, “You make me smile with my heart”. Then she goes on to sing “Your looks are laughable, Un-photographable…yet, you’re my favorite work of art. “ And later she tells us that “Every day is Valentine’s Day.” I bet that she adores/adored the man behind these lyrics that she’s singing so freely. Her lyrics can be used to substantiate a point that I am always trying to reiterate when there is a holiday associated with the exchange of gifts. Gifts are great and make you feel good when received especially when extravagant or well thought out. But a material thing can never overshadow the way you make someone feel through your actions.

Some of us may only see the guy that has the heart eyed emoji by his name in our contacts once every few weeks and some may see this guy on a daily basis. If there is geographical distance, this only means that there are fewer opportunities for the indescribable feeling of gratitude to occur. That feeling that it is Valentine’s Day every day, every time that you interact. Don’t you want that goofy smile on your face all that time, you know, the one you have when you get a cute unexpected text message or email? See, you won’t have that same sort of smile when you open up that expensive perfume or those chocolate covered strawberries from Sherry’s Berries. I’m not saying that I won’t exchange gifts but I am saying that I am after what is intrinsic, those things we cannot explain or quantify. That’s what matters the most to me, those moments that put a smile on my face just before I go to sleep at night.

In my opinion, it’s important not to get caught up in materialism. I’ll take the shack with the man I love over the mansion with a man that it’s not real with. Humph, guess this can be another proclamation to add to my “I will not settle” memoirs. How will you be celebrating your boo, bae, husband, significant other, homie- lover- friend this year?

 Fight for the fairytale, it does exist.

-M

 

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Scared of Beautiful

  
On 12/31 at 11:59am, I sat on a pew in some place familiar; the church I was raised in, it was where my second family resided as I was growing up. I was sitting between my sister who has been given that title due to our history and my two favorite people, my niece and my mom. Being in this place in that moment, I could not help but to have flashes of nostalgia followed by thoughts of the future. Everyone is so into making resolutions and really for me, I’m not into that. I have always had goals, from the moment I got my first journal probably around age eight or nine. The goals are in range from very short term like what I want to achieve during the upcoming week to very long term, where I want to be in a year, two years, etc. I have a rough idea of where I want to escalate to in life and I’ve realized that it is not about what I have to do to get there but more about what’s holding me back. What are the fears that are not contributing to my acceleration?
Fate loves the fearless, fate loves the fearless, I literally repeat this to myself on a regular basis. It’s so freaking true. There is this song by Brandy called Scared of Beautiful that basically sums up what I’m trying to convey, the purpose of this post.

Here’s part of the chorus:

No wonder why

There’s no mirrors on these walls no more

You can’t tell me why

You’re so terrified of beautiful

Scared of the good

More than the evil

Scared of the light

More than the dark

Scared of the truth so much more than the lie

I’m scared for me

*sigh* So, can someone be so complacent that they become fearful of the possibilities of being fully happy and fully whole? Are we afraid to relinquish and be vulnerable in order to obtain something that we have been seeking, something that we have never had before? In my day to day interactions I am exposed to people who reside on both sides of the spectrum. I’m acquainted with a woman who took a crazy leap and is happier than she has ever been before. She stepped out on faith, the faith that she could be happier once she stopped settling. On the other end, there is another acquaintance who I am convinced is satisfied with being mediocre even if it means being unhappy because of fear. Can someone be fearful of being happy? Smiling at the little things, just wrapped up in a bubble of bliss? Who doesn’t want that, right? As I get closer and closer to being whole and a more delighted being, I do think about how easily things could tumble down but those thoughts dissipate almost immediately when my mind feels the flutters of my heart.

 So in 2016, I challenge you to relinquish, release, and stop being scared. Raise your hands and surrender, let the negative thoughts roll down your back and welcome the new, the thoughts of excelling, and surprising everyone, even yourself. I do small things almost on a daily basis to push myself and often cry when I achieve these things or complete the associated tasks. Those tears are a mixture of being proud of me for making the action and being disappointed in me for actually entertaining the thought of not making the action that I did.

 If your goals don’t scare you they aren’t big enough but don’t ever let the fear cause hesitation.

 -M