There are numerous ways to define friendship. I have posted about friendship in the past, from a personal growth standpoint, which is beautiful. It’s a gratifying feeling to know that you are actually gaining something from the interactions you have with the souls you allow in your life. Just within the last seven days, I have been presented with several scenarios that have demanded me to once again, examine what I am allowing and to also wake up and realize that I am my own damn best friend. Nobody has me like me. I believe that in order to stay grounded, sane, on track, and most importantly happy, that I must set boundaries and have standards. What is a life without standards? Acceptance for any and everything? Nah, I know what I am worth so I have the right to reject what doesn’t meet what I feel I deserve. I can only get the rest of this post off by doing a list, Mila style.
I Am No Longer Her
I have been on a thirty three year journey. During this journey, I have met people that have grown to be what I would consider a friend in many forms over several phases and chapters of my life. I’ve met friends on Twitter, at the many jobs I have obtained, at church, at the club, while furthering my education, and so on. I believe that I am not the same Mila that I was last year this time, five years ago, and ten years ago, etc. Like any living organism, I have grown. Isn’t that the point? I am saying this to say that the friend that I made in high school, may not still be a good fit for me today. That friend may only be able to identify with shy, timid, slow to speak up Mila and be totally unfamiliar with the whirlwind of strength and courage that I am today. That is okay. We have to be woke enough to know when to let the encounters go that we can no longer grow from. I can respect those old friendships for what they were, when they were relevant and conducive to my life at the points that they occurred. But they can be no longer. A “memory” on Facebook doesn’t always make me want to rekindle, but it makes me realize how much I have grown. Today, I am more focused on friends that can grow with me and respect my hustle, have extensive conversations with me about fashion, politics, current events, relationships, goals and so on.
My Mind is Greater
To expand on the content in my friendships, I must reference this cliché overused quote from the homie Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” I would like to think that due to my scholastic endeavors combined with my street smarts that I can consider my mind great. With that being said, it would be a disgrace for me to stoop below greatness to spend time with a friend speaking about someone else in a negative light. Now in the past, I was probably guilty of this. I will admit it. Most of the reason for this occurring was probably due to not realizing the impact it had on my happiness and maintaining my vow to be true to self. I have recently written a daily affirmation that encompasses that fact that I need to “mind my business”. It is in direct correlation to this point. So if you are a person whose mind isn’t great enough to develop conversation outside of speaking upon another individual, then we cannot be friends. The cut has probably already been made. There is no longer pollution allowed in my lane. The fine for polluting is a disconnection from me.
It may not be initially discerned by someone upon meeting me, but I am a very accommodating and considerate being. I expect that back. I sure do. When we make plans, I am on time. When I say I am going to do something, I do it. Again, I expect that back. Anything less leaves me insecure in our friendship. If someone feels like I am wrong in wanting to be considered, that means that they are below what I expect. I am not willing to hold a friendship together on my own.
This blog has been sponsored by my last week of life. Putting it in ink holds me accountable.