Comfortable for What?

3787431220_fec79efd2e_o

Shake, Wobble, Jiggle. Unsteady. Less Control. Ummm like some J-E-L-L-O, that’s how I feel right now. We are on the brink of a season change again, those make me nervous. Since my name is secretly Shemila Stacks, I have decided to gather my nuts all winter like a squirrel. I don’t know, it’s just the hustle in me. This alteration from being so laxed during the summer has gotten me so uneasy. I made the conscious decision to get back to a double work life but then I am resisting at the same time. Silly me.  I am addicted to being uncomfortable, pushing myself to the limit, feeding my creativity, and just living with some aspects of my life being unknown. Predictable is boring, and that I am not! Do I sound crazy yet?  I am just a little nervous about the sacrifices I will have to make in my social and personal life, with special focus on my relationship but guess what? I am still going to jump!

As the season changes, it’s time to think about those goals we need to wrap up for the end of the year. My stretch goal is to be skinny and rich. Not in a literal sense though. Being skinny means feeling amazing in my skin and constantly working on being fit and fine. Pushing myself physically in a progressive way every chance that I get and fueling myself with the right things! Ya know, caring about my body since its my temple. Being rich isn’t all about the moolah or extrinsic things, it’s about having meaningful friendships, shoulders I can cry on and most importantly maintaining my inner peace in the chaotic world I insist on creating for myself. All those cliché things that people say about the little things counting the most, well they are true. I have been practicing giving gratitude every morning and night and am excited to increase this as we enter the season of hot cider, warm sweaters, hay rides, thankfulness, and celebrations with family.

I can honestly say that I am happy about life; I am excited about my journey and cannot wait to make new goals for the new year that will be here before we know it. I may sound like I am little off my rocker but I am not afraid to do whatever I feel necessary on my pursuit to happiness. What are you doing to fight for or maintain your happy? How many times have you hopped up out of that comfort zone for what you want? Like some times you have to do that crazy Kangaroo jump not even knowing where the hell you will land.

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.”

Much love,

-M

 

Advertisements

Mila Rants…Again

I have been going back and forth with myself regarding my next blog post and what I wanted to write about and everything just seemed like it had a negative undertone. Right now, in this very moment, I do not feel centered. I am just going to sound off about some things that I feel may be bothering me due to my own selfish craving to gain my balance.

Follow The Leader

Too many chiefs, not enough Indians. Yes, I get this term, I know why it exists…blahzay blah but right now I feel like society is living backwards, there is an overabundance of followers and no leaders. We are on our way to hell in a hand basket. It’s disgusting, I feel like I encounter individuals on a daily basis who are too afraid to form their own opinion and they are literally waiting on the some girl on Facebook they haven’t talked to since high school to form it for them through her latest status update or post or whatever they are being called these days. Makes me want to gag, like seriously. I am one to march to the beat of my drum, even with no sticks. It has gotten me made fun of amongst many other things but at least I know who I am and how I feel, on my own. My goodness, wake up people. This goes across all generations, unfortunate. Didn’t your parents ever ask if that annoying ass question about jumping off the bridge with your friends? I guess not because I am convinced that a notable amount of today’s population would dive right on off that bridge with their homies. Our news is someone’s 140 character tweet, we should be ashamed. With an infinite amount of resources, there is no excuse. I mean I am talking from political views to what shoes to buy, no one thinks for themselves anymore. We live in a world full of clones, chameleons, and “Single White Females”. Bring originality back to life!

Yo Problems Aren’t Mine

As a human being who is out here trying to get it, I have issues. Now some of these issues that I have are petty like what nail color I should get the next time I got to the nail salon and some of them are life changing like choosing a career path and deciding who I want to be in society. We all have problems: big, small, medium, super-sized, whatever. But here is where I get bothered; I shouldn’t have to be smothered with your problems as an innocent bystander, co-coworker, stranger standing in the checkout out lane at the grocery store. Keep that shit to yourself, be more private. Quit posting snippets on Facebook or having conversations about it so loud that me, Tom, Dick, Harry and all of us can overhear. The bagger doesn’t want to hear about your husband and his girlfriend, save the drama for yo mama. Yes, we all have an off day where something crazy as eff happens and we have no choice but to interject some drama on some oblivious bystander but those should be moments that are few and far between. Tact, have some. I don’t want my ears beat up every day with someone else’s drama when I’m trying to read Bible scriptures, devotions, and quotes from Pinterest to get through mine. Goodness.

Fear of Flying

Fear is the enemy, the grim reaper, dude from Scream with the white mask on, like all of that. And I know this through and through but I keep on falling victim to it and oh not just me, people around me too! It pisses me off because right now its impacting every single aspect of my life. I have amazing things going on in my life but I am letting fear holding me back from taking some of those things to the next level. Just this week, I received some amazing news and fear has me afraid to fully bask in this news that is literally going to alter my life. I am fighting this battle every moment of every day. Fear will have you over thinking; it will have you doubting yourself, questioning your faith. It will have you in the same unhealthy relationships for years, same ole job you hate; it will even stop you from being happy, grasping success. Ugh, just so much. I won’t stop the fight; I just get a little irritated with myself for taking the victim role when it comes to fear itself. Fate loves the fearless, that’s real. Anything accomplishment worth mentioning occurred when I decided to beat fears ass!

I’m done ranting for now; I’m about to go and hug babies, run through a field of sunflowers, bake cookies or something to get back to a happy place.

“A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.” – African Proverb

-M

Keep Rollin’

  
It was really all good just a few weeks ago. I was feeling like I was on top of the world and that I could climb the highest mountain. But something changed, something happened. I applied for an opportunity that I was confident that I could obtain, I really thought I had it in the bag and so did my support system. But even with all signs pointing towards yes, I was turned down. I had to endure what we are all afraid of, rejection. Ugh, it gives me the shakes just thinking about it and I’m embarrassed to even open up about it at the same time. I’ve been feeling like a wounded soldier back from war, disoriented, not sure what to do next. I even think that my physical state was impacted by what I was going through mentally after being told that I could not have what I felt like I was entitled to and working towards for literally years. I’ve been trying to build myself up through reading motivational quotes, scriptures, mediation, and my final step is sharing this post.

Rejection or the act of rejecting is defined by Webster’s dictionary as to refuse to have, take, or recognize and furthermore to discard as useless or unsatisfactory. WOW, right? Dang. No wonder we hesitate to do some things merely due to the risk of being rejected. Who wants to feel useless or unsatisfactory? Sheesh. Rejection stops us from applying for that job, asking someone out on a date, asking for a promotion, etc on and on. It just stops us…and it shouldn’t. Rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that we aren’t worthy but perhaps that we aren’t meant to do what we are requesting or what we are seeking isn’t truly right for us. 

The way that I have been able to overcome the rejection blues is to believe that I was going after something that was not right for me right now. I simply turned down the wrong road on my journey and now I just have to turn back around and get back on the right road. I mean I get lost and led astray by Siri every other day so this shouldn’t be any different, right? I am not really sure where I’m supposed to be headed but I do know that I’m still rolling and I’m not looking back, I won’t look back. We must understand that rejection is a part of the journey, it’s inevitable and life goes on after it occurs. I have made a vow to myself that I will not make the mistake of giving the negative aspects of rejection all of the power. I will be rejected with grace and extract the positive outcomes for my own personal growth. 

“Close doors. Rejections. They do not decide your fate. They simply redirect your course. You must keep moving because life’s detours can also be meaningful.” – Dodinksy 

Respect the Journey. 

-M 

Patience to Settle

I really feel like I need a support group. Some place I can go and just talk some things out. I know that there are tons of people who are just like me. Tons of people who are at the brink of making a crazy leap but still have that daunting fear of falling flat on their face. I know I’m always preaching about fate loving fearless beings. So, what the hell is my problem? Right now, I’m working a job that is stunting my growth and I feel like my wings are clipped every time I sit down at my desk. I yearn for a more challenging and thriving environment, one that is conducive to molding my creativity while I am building stronger technical skills. So what am I waiting for? Am I being patient or am I settling? I think that a dissection is necessary for me to try to discern what’s holding me back.

Settling

Do me a favor and Google search, “quotes about settling”. You will be bombarded with tons of quotes that will aid you in empowering yourself to keep moving or to say “No” on your quest to fight for what you want. I think that many people only look at settling in the context of romantic relationships. There is the risk of settling in every aspect of our lives from settling for the potato chips instead demanding from self to do better and hop off the couch and cut up some crunchy veggies to make a healthier option. You can settle with your employer – “Oh, they give me freedom and so much vacation time”. “I have tenure here; I don’t want to start all over again”.

Settling is synonymous with being comfortable. I don’t want to be comfy; I want to be wiggling around, making moves, striving for better, building an empire for myself. How can I do that in the comfort zone? I can’t. This also means I have to extradite people from my life who live in a comfort zone as well. Yes, that’s criminal. How can I thrive with mediocrity all around me? I can’t.

Being Patience

I am one hundred percent sure that patience is my ultimate test. I fail almost on a daily basis and being impatient is why I am not as far as I believe I should be in life. In the past, it has caused me to be unsuccessful in many aspects of my life from financial status to my health and even in friendships/relationships. So right now, where I’m standing, I want to make sure that I make my next move for reasons other than impatience dominating the scenario. I always have a plan but sometimes my impatience causes me to deviate. I have been on track with a career goal that I constructed over a year ago. I have jumped many hurdles that were lined with mini tests of patience but how do I know when to make a major move and that I’m doing it for the right reason? This is why I feel stuck. I feel like this is my biggest test of patience yet and I truly don’t want to fail. Ugh, is that fear sneaking back in? Or am I really supposed to wait?

Now that you can see my plight, it should be more evident as to why I believe that a support group would be beneficial for me. Is there anyone else in this same place as I right now in life? I’m trying to remember my worth, remember what I deserve, and be patient at the same time; a virtual and emotional juggling act for sure.

I’m going to drop this Amelia Earhart quote right here that has been stuck with me this week and drop the mic:

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.”

 Until next time,

-M