The Million Dollar Question

Why are you single?

Dunhdunhdunnnnhhhhhh…Folks sure don’t mind asking this question. Many times when I first meet a guy, this is what he asks me. My friends and family who think that I’m such a great catch can’t help but to ask either. As a natural born smart ass, I really want to respond, “If I knew I wouldn’t be single”.

But honestly, I don’t think that this is necessarily the truth. I am my own worst critic so I am aware of all or most of the negative aspects of myself. I honestly do believe that the good traits outweigh the bad, but who am I? I have such great confidence in myself because of all of the amazing feedback I get from the people in my life. Unless they are just lying and telling me how great I am for the heck of it, then I have probable cause to believe that I am a great catch. The thing is that in today’s society, what I have to offer doesn’t seem to matter. As a person who is obsessed with lists, I’m going to make one for the reasons that I believe I am single. Disclaimer: these are just assumptions based off of my experiences with the opposite sex.

I Intimidate – Simply put, my stature. I am tall and don’t have dainty body frame. Just the other day, I was asked if I played for the OSU basketball team! When I go out, I I’m not usually in heels, which I believe makes me feel less than feminine. Never mind the fact that my boobs are the size of basketballs, I just don’t have the girlie thing down. For this reason, I think that I am an intimidating woman. I can sometimes have a serious face too. This is not on purpose considering the fact that I’m probably the most goofy person in the room at any given time in any given place. If the guy just approached me, he would learn that ever so quickly.

I’m overzealous –when I like someone, I am all in! I want to explore that person and I am not afraid to say what’s on my mind. My friends are used to my texting style which is me sending 2 paragraphs in response to a question that most would answer with three words. I also am random and believe in reaching out to a person when I think of them, no matter when. I don’t think that people cross your mind for no reason. To some, this makes me seem crazy and is a major demerit.

I know what I want – I always say that I want a tall, goofy, nerd, who is a thug as well. LOL, this person doesn’t exist – unless he has schizophrenia.

Standards too simple – Honestly, I don’t have a ton of standards because I am bendable based on the circumstances. Superficially, I like guys who are taller than me and have a darker skin tone than mine. I love a clean cut guy with clean shoes, and clean fingernails are a must. I can throw the superficial things out of the door for a guy who can make me laugh and has an aura that matches mine. This is it. I mean I would like someone who is intelligent and worships the ground his mother walks on as well, but aren’t those givens? Are my standards too vague?

I have no baggage – This may be one of the most complex ones to understand. In my dealings with the opposite sex, I have run across guys with children, with financial difficulties, and just unfavorable things in their past as a whole. Because I seem as though things are so “together” on the outside sometimes, I think that I appear to be innocent. I have actually been told by several guys that I seem naïve and innocent. I pride myself on being non-judgmental and as a part of that, I’m an open book as well. I am not ashamed of any of my transgressions and will openly share with those curious enough to ask. Thus far, the guy stops communicating with me before even exploring. This is largely due to that nasty A-word: assumptions.

My needs for things being organic – I am a more of the “go with the flow” type and for that reason. I do not ask a lot of questions. For many, if I am not asking questions then it is believed that I am not interested. I find this to be absurd, I like to allow a person to volunteer information and I also believe that actions speak louder than words. To me, this means that when I am around you I will learn more about you than I would if I just heard you tell me about yourself. Yes, there will be plenty of candid conversations and swaps of short stories, but in the end it all lies in the way I am treated and the way he interacts with others. This is not something that can be answered in a text message.

My plight is, what do I change? To myself I reply, “nothing”. If I changed anything about myself, I would have to cease priding myself on being authentic. I don’t think I want to ever be anything less than real. I will continue on and maybe there will be a prince among the frogs. I am on a beautiful journey towards greatness and I can’t see myself settling for anything less than what I want and less than what I deserve. My list may make me sound crazy but maybe I am! I am crazy about myself! Am I also crazy to think that there is someone crazy enough for me?

Stay tuned.



Materialism Cleanse

This holiday season, I am having such a hard time getting into the spirit. It’s not because I don’t want to make the yuletide gay or jingle bells as I ride a sleigh pulled by that reindeer with the red nose but it’s because of the ever-growing greed of the American population. Am I the only person who knows and understands the reason for the season? My heart is almost broken when I think about the fact that retailers are opening their doors on Thanksgiving Day. What happened to being in a turkey induced coma and lying on the couch while you listened to your uncles and dad yell at the television as they watched football? What about going to visit your grandma in the nursing home instead of going to stand in line at Wal-Mart? That store is ugly anyhow, warm a heart instead. I’m not scrooge but it’s like I’m removed from this new way of thinking. Are we so materialistic that we will escape the time allotted to spend with our families to go stand in line to save five dollars on a board game?
It is at these times, that I am thankful for my upbringing. I am not ashamed to say that I was a spoiled child and literally always got what I wanted. It’s not because I was entitled, but it was because my parents were blessed enough to do so. They were also blessed enough to teach me how to appreciate everything that I was given and to teach me the meaning behind the gifts. Ever hear of the three Wise men? One of my coworkers shared that she did not have a religion but then she also shared that she had, “already gotten her Christmas shopping done.” Jesus is the reason for the season honey. Ignorance is one of my pet peeves, but sometimes it’s not even worth my energy to interject.
This holiday season is going to be about hugging and loving on my dear friends and family for me. I will still exchange gifts of course but I don’t have to buy the biggest and most flashy gifts in order to compensate because my friends and family know how much I care. I am not impressed by materialistic things and it’s my belief that the people who I let into my life are the same way. I give them gifts from my heart all year long. This is not an excuse just because my checking account isn’t as plump as it usually is this time of year! Before you go into debt, remember what the holiday season really means. Children should absolutely be spoiled and showered with gifts but we owe it to them to explain that life is more than about having the newest and shiniest possession. This is a plea; time is more valuable than any gift you can give. Personally, a hug and the words “I love you” are more valuable to me than any tangible gift. Happy Holidays! I’m proud to say that I am cleansed from materialism and it feels wonderful!