Tug of War

Tug

I should be using these keystrokes to do homework but I just can’t. My brain and emotions have been on one thousand these last few days, it’s like my heart and head are in two different chapters of my book of life. I am vowing to get them on one accord in the most expedient manner because I have some hurdles to jump in these next few weeks of my marathon like life. Honestly, I think that I am in mourning for the friendships and things that I must leave behind. Leaving these things behind is what’s best for me but it also means that I have to hop up outta my comfort zone once again and travel into the unknown. I know my worth and need to keep walking like I’m talking; toward my purpose. I have been boastful and sure of myself in my past posts and it’s because I know that I am destined for greatness. I am sensitive and share all of me when I do dive into a new friendship or romantic endeavor so I’m thinking I need to be more cautious when it comes to choosing what I am going to embark upon. I am going to try to decipher between what my hearts says and what my head says in order to clear my head and move on to the next leg.

Heart

I am a moonchild, this means that I am extremely sensitive and have an emotional reaction to damn near everything. There are ups and downs that come with this trait but for the most part, I think it aids in living a more pure life. I am able to connect on a higher level with people because I am able to feel vibes that it seems like others aren’t willing to tap into or that they just simply ignore. I can gauge within the first few minutes of meeting someone if our spirits should mingle or not. I can also measure how organic my interactions are with others. This gets me into trouble sometimes because I see the spirit and not the person that it’s inside of. A person’s actions don’t always match their goodness. Until that person realizes that they have the beauty and power within them, they can be harmful to me as they are living outside of their purpose. I may or may not have some folks in my life like this; my heart does not want to let them go. The fact is some people never own up to their purpose, this is something that I cannot let myself believe.

Head

No matter what’s going on there’s this background music in my head that sings to me, it tells me that I am worthy, I am amazing, I am strong, I am determined, I can do it, Keep Going Mila. In my head I know everything no like literally I do and if I don’t I will find out. This is literally how sure I am of myself. I have always been that annoying “know-it-all”. This has presented some issues for me and I am working on being more open because let’s be honest, that is such an unattractive trait. Although it seems extreme, this attitude is what has gotten me to where I am today. My triumphs and accomplishments are due to this crazy brain of mine and its ability to keep me organized in the midst of complete chaos. There’s this sistah in my head that tells me, “Girl you are better than that, LET IT GO, WALK AWAY”. She goes on to tell me that I will get better if I just believe, she’s powered by all of those Bible scriptures I read growing up in the church and all of those Maya Angelou quotes that I adore.

So why can’t there be a median? Or is there? It always seems like a tug of war between the head and heart, I have no idea which anatomic part will win. Am I the only one who has this bought going on?

Holla if ya hear me,

-M

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