Going Tribal

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I am constantly making discoveries, finding out more about myself and then gaining confirmation from unconventional places. I cannot believe it’s time to wrap up another year though, crazy. I feel like I was just sharing my last day of the year experience for 2015. Lately pop culture has embraced this thing where you find your tribe, your squad, your people or whatever you want to call it. There are bracelets, T-shirts, beanies, all types of paraphernalia that can be used once you realize what tribe you belong to and want to rep your set. This week, I conform. I know what tribe I belong to and furthermore have turned it into a goal for myself for a new year.

I am a doer, a go-getter, I make it happen. I don’t talk about what I need to do; I put an action plan together and get moving. My favorite affirmation was stolen from a Martin episode. “Ain’t nothing to it but to do it”, it was Season 3, Episode 16 to be exact.  This term is also defined in the Urban Dictionary as a statement of raw simplicity, implying that all it takes is hard, not necessarily intelligent, work and effort. But anyways, that affirmation is something that I always use because really an idea/desire is just that until you get off your ass and make it happen. When I look up and examine my circle of friends as of late, the vast majority of them are a part of this tribe. They are all very different people but when I look at them individually, everyone is doing something to be better, to find happiness, to reach what they consider to be their “end game”.  And for a lack of a better term, “That’s Dope!”

I think that since I found my worth and grew my confidence over the past three to four years, I have been fighting the fact that being around people who are not in my tribe is a detriment to me. In my opinion, it is not okay to make excuses and then use them as crutches. It is not okay to want a pat on the back for doing what you are supposed to be doing. It IS okay to lay down in bed most nights knowing that you did all you could in that day to be great and even grow into being a better person, fighting for your dreams. Maybe I am being a B-word about this but I feel like that is how I come off sometimes when I am trying to get where I want to be and work on myself. That’s fine. My goal is to finally severe those ties binding me to anyone who isn’t a part of my tribe.

Say Goodbye to Mediocrity in 2017. Find your tribe, love them hard.

-M

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No Pollution in Friendshipville

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There are numerous ways to define friendship. I have posted about friendship in the past, from a personal growth standpoint, which is beautiful. It’s a gratifying feeling to know that you are actually gaining something from the interactions you have with the souls you allow in your life. Just within the last seven days, I have been presented with several scenarios that have demanded me to once again, examine what I am allowing and to also wake up and realize that I am my own damn best friend. Nobody has me like me. I believe that in order to stay grounded, sane, on track, and most importantly happy, that I must set boundaries and have standards. What is a life without standards? Acceptance for any and everything? Nah, I know what I am worth so I have the right to reject what doesn’t meet what I feel I deserve. I can only get the rest of this post off by doing a list, Mila style.

I Am No Longer Her

I have been on a thirty three year journey. During this journey, I have met people that have grown to be what I would consider a friend in many forms over several phases and chapters of my life. I’ve met friends on Twitter, at the many jobs I have obtained, at church, at the club, while furthering my education, and so on. I believe that I am not the same Mila that I was last year this time, five years ago, and ten years ago, etc. Like any living organism,  I have grown. Isn’t that the point? I am saying this to say that the friend that I made in high school, may not still be a good fit for me today. That friend may only be able to identify with shy, timid, slow to speak up Mila and be totally unfamiliar with the whirlwind of strength and courage that I am today. That is okay. We have to be woke enough to know when to let the encounters go that we can no longer grow from. I can respect those old friendships for what they were, when they were relevant and conducive to my life at the points that they occurred. But they can be no longer.  A “memory” on Facebook doesn’t always make me want to rekindle, but it makes me realize how much I have grown. Today, I am more focused on friends that can grow with me and respect my hustle, have extensive conversations with me about fashion, politics, current events, relationships, goals and so on.

My Mind is Greater

To expand on the content in my friendships, I must reference this cliché overused quote from the homie Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” I would like to think that due to my scholastic endeavors combined with my street smarts that I can consider my mind great. With that being said, it would be a disgrace for me to stoop below greatness to spend time with a friend speaking about someone else in a negative light. Now in the past, I was probably guilty of this. I will admit it. Most of the reason for this occurring was probably due to not realizing the impact it had on my happiness and maintaining my vow to be true to self.  I have recently written a daily affirmation that encompasses that fact that I need to “mind my business”. It is in direct correlation to this point. So if you are a person whose mind isn’t great enough to develop conversation outside of speaking upon another individual, then we cannot be friends.  The cut has probably already been made. There is no longer pollution allowed in my lane. The fine for polluting is a disconnection from me.

Consider Me

It may not be initially discerned by someone upon meeting me, but I am a very accommodating and considerate being. I expect that back. I sure do. When we make plans, I am on time. When I say I am going to do something, I do it. Again, I expect that back. Anything less leaves me insecure in our friendship. If someone feels like I am wrong in wanting to be considered, that means that they are below what I expect. I am not willing to hold a friendship together on my own.

This blog has been sponsored by my last week of life. Putting it in ink holds me accountable.

Much Love,

-M

 

Comfortable for What?

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Shake, Wobble, Jiggle. Unsteady. Less Control. Ummm like some J-E-L-L-O, that’s how I feel right now. We are on the brink of a season change again, those make me nervous. Since my name is secretly Shemila Stacks, I have decided to gather my nuts all winter like a squirrel. I don’t know, it’s just the hustle in me. This alteration from being so laxed during the summer has gotten me so uneasy. I made the conscious decision to get back to a double work life but then I am resisting at the same time. Silly me.  I am addicted to being uncomfortable, pushing myself to the limit, feeding my creativity, and just living with some aspects of my life being unknown. Predictable is boring, and that I am not! Do I sound crazy yet?  I am just a little nervous about the sacrifices I will have to make in my social and personal life, with special focus on my relationship but guess what? I am still going to jump!

As the season changes, it’s time to think about those goals we need to wrap up for the end of the year. My stretch goal is to be skinny and rich. Not in a literal sense though. Being skinny means feeling amazing in my skin and constantly working on being fit and fine. Pushing myself physically in a progressive way every chance that I get and fueling myself with the right things! Ya know, caring about my body since its my temple. Being rich isn’t all about the moolah or extrinsic things, it’s about having meaningful friendships, shoulders I can cry on and most importantly maintaining my inner peace in the chaotic world I insist on creating for myself. All those cliché things that people say about the little things counting the most, well they are true. I have been practicing giving gratitude every morning and night and am excited to increase this as we enter the season of hot cider, warm sweaters, hay rides, thankfulness, and celebrations with family.

I can honestly say that I am happy about life; I am excited about my journey and cannot wait to make new goals for the new year that will be here before we know it. I may sound like I am little off my rocker but I am not afraid to do whatever I feel necessary on my pursuit to happiness. What are you doing to fight for or maintain your happy? How many times have you hopped up out of that comfort zone for what you want? Like some times you have to do that crazy Kangaroo jump not even knowing where the hell you will land.

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.”

Much love,

-M

 

Failure To Define

  
I used to have this thing where I needed to define all relationships in my life, every single person’s role had to be clearly defined. I have always felt this way and I believe it’s because I have a problem with control. I need to be able to have some sort of control in regards to those who are in my life, why they are in my life, what their intentions are and what possibilities for growth the relationship or friendship has. This may sound crazy to most but for me, control is closely related to protecting myself. If I know the intent of everyone that I allow to enter and reside in my life then I can reduce the risks of being hurt right? This has literally been my logic for as long as I can remember but a more recent relationship has me questioning philosophy.

Is it realistic to think that I am capable of always discerning why someone is in my life? I believe in a higher power and sometimes that higher power may not reveal why someone has showed up immediately. This means that me being a control freak may have caused me to close the door on people who I was supposed to let in. What have I done to myself due to fear of being vulnerable? Currently, there is at least one undefined relationship that I am involved in and according to my prior beliefs, the risks are too high and it should have been ended a long time. But, I cannot do that. Every moment with this person is nearly perfect, so it’s worth the risk. It’s worth the relinquished control. As a matter of fact, when I start to over think things, I am the one who makes things weird and I make myself the culprit. 

I have called myself to action. It is time for me to examine all of these internal rules and philosophies that I have created for myself. Is it just a bunch of bullshit that has hindered me from opportunities? The older I get the less I care about what anyone thinks and honestly I am most haunted when I try to live by what I think is “supposed” to be. Things are just better when I live in the what “is”. I am going to take the relationship for what it is as long as it continues to grow and it continues to make me feel happy. I am choosing to take a risk and to be vulnerable at the same time. No reward comes without the risk right? 

“When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness” – Nicole Kidman 

Hopefully you don’t think I’m a nut job!  

-M 

Keep Rollin’

  
It was really all good just a few weeks ago. I was feeling like I was on top of the world and that I could climb the highest mountain. But something changed, something happened. I applied for an opportunity that I was confident that I could obtain, I really thought I had it in the bag and so did my support system. But even with all signs pointing towards yes, I was turned down. I had to endure what we are all afraid of, rejection. Ugh, it gives me the shakes just thinking about it and I’m embarrassed to even open up about it at the same time. I’ve been feeling like a wounded soldier back from war, disoriented, not sure what to do next. I even think that my physical state was impacted by what I was going through mentally after being told that I could not have what I felt like I was entitled to and working towards for literally years. I’ve been trying to build myself up through reading motivational quotes, scriptures, mediation, and my final step is sharing this post.

Rejection or the act of rejecting is defined by Webster’s dictionary as to refuse to have, take, or recognize and furthermore to discard as useless or unsatisfactory. WOW, right? Dang. No wonder we hesitate to do some things merely due to the risk of being rejected. Who wants to feel useless or unsatisfactory? Sheesh. Rejection stops us from applying for that job, asking someone out on a date, asking for a promotion, etc on and on. It just stops us…and it shouldn’t. Rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that we aren’t worthy but perhaps that we aren’t meant to do what we are requesting or what we are seeking isn’t truly right for us. 

The way that I have been able to overcome the rejection blues is to believe that I was going after something that was not right for me right now. I simply turned down the wrong road on my journey and now I just have to turn back around and get back on the right road. I mean I get lost and led astray by Siri every other day so this shouldn’t be any different, right? I am not really sure where I’m supposed to be headed but I do know that I’m still rolling and I’m not looking back, I won’t look back. We must understand that rejection is a part of the journey, it’s inevitable and life goes on after it occurs. I have made a vow to myself that I will not make the mistake of giving the negative aspects of rejection all of the power. I will be rejected with grace and extract the positive outcomes for my own personal growth. 

“Close doors. Rejections. They do not decide your fate. They simply redirect your course. You must keep moving because life’s detours can also be meaningful.” – Dodinksy 

Respect the Journey. 

-M