Mila is Still Ranting

Three years later and I am still ranting. Every January disappoints me. When that clock turns to 12:01am, I am looking for grand things to occur. But guess what? Those things are totally up to me. The clock’s hand turning does not whip my chipped nails into a perfect gel manicure nor does it lighten up the dim and sometimes dank work environment that I must endure. It is up to me to take care of my nails and to bring my own damn sunshine into the office. What a JIP! No one ever says that, where is the magic? Do all of the people making posts and declaring the new year to be theirs and even going on to indicate what will be different in the 12 months to come understand this? That faith without works is dead? Do they get it? Nothing makes me more unsettled than someone making declarations into the universe about what they are going to do only for me to watch them do NOTHING different. And then have the audactity to complain, girrrllllll….OMG, Am I annoying?

Someone once told me that I notice everything. I do! I really do. I’ve had a recurring goal to mind my business but paying attention just comes so naturally to me. I can tell you where all the potholes lie on my way to work, the price of gas on each side of town that I go through during my morning commute, and what everyone was wearing that I encountered on my way to my office, down to their shoes. It is just a part of my DNA makeup or something.  It is hard for other people outside of my tribe to “get me” so why even try? Why, like why?

All in all, January has been an uninspiring month for me. I am ranting rather than putting together a collective thought, uninspired. I started to teach my self how to run and after successfully completing week two, I fell ill and am now off track, uninspired. To put the cherry on the sundae, I had a gym date that left me for dead and didn’t even check on me when I didn’t show up, uninspired. Actually pissed! You give and give and what the hell do you get back? I know, I know, the universe, God and stuff, they give you your rewards back in other ways but dang , sometimes it’s hard to remember that when you are overcome with the instant gratification disease.

Even after saying all of this though, just know that you can’t keep a player down. I am going to be good, this I know! I am strong and independent and my bounce back game is strong. I don’t mind putting in the work and with my new found ability to be patient, I am well-equipped to welcome what the last week of the month has to bring me. January, don’t let me down; let me get these laps in! I have been under a blanket of irritability for the last few days, not going to lie. I think it is because I am upset with myself for breaking my selfish vow. Self is first; I must take care of me. I have learned that the most eye-opening and gratifying parts of my journey are those ones that I experienced alone. Ugh, and my battle with accepting friendships that don’t fully embody reciprocity. Dare I declare the month of February, the month of solitude? I need a reset.

I am not crazy ya’ll, I’m just being honest.

“I am learning to trust the journey, even when I don’t understand it.” – Mila Bron



Keep Rollin’

It was really all good just a few weeks ago. I was feeling like I was on top of the world and that I could climb the highest mountain. But something changed, something happened. I applied for an opportunity that I was confident that I could obtain, I really thought I had it in the bag and so did my support system. But even with all signs pointing towards yes, I was turned down. I had to endure what we are all afraid of, rejection. Ugh, it gives me the shakes just thinking about it and I’m embarrassed to even open up about it at the same time. I’ve been feeling like a wounded soldier back from war, disoriented, not sure what to do next. I even think that my physical state was impacted by what I was going through mentally after being told that I could not have what I felt like I was entitled to and working towards for literally years. I’ve been trying to build myself up through reading motivational quotes, scriptures, mediation, and my final step is sharing this post.

Rejection or the act of rejecting is defined by Webster’s dictionary as to refuse to have, take, or recognize and furthermore to discard as useless or unsatisfactory. WOW, right? Dang. No wonder we hesitate to do some things merely due to the risk of being rejected. Who wants to feel useless or unsatisfactory? Sheesh. Rejection stops us from applying for that job, asking someone out on a date, asking for a promotion, etc on and on. It just stops us…and it shouldn’t. Rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that we aren’t worthy but perhaps that we aren’t meant to do what we are requesting or what we are seeking isn’t truly right for us. 

The way that I have been able to overcome the rejection blues is to believe that I was going after something that was not right for me right now. I simply turned down the wrong road on my journey and now I just have to turn back around and get back on the right road. I mean I get lost and led astray by Siri every other day so this shouldn’t be any different, right? I am not really sure where I’m supposed to be headed but I do know that I’m still rolling and I’m not looking back, I won’t look back. We must understand that rejection is a part of the journey, it’s inevitable and life goes on after it occurs. I have made a vow to myself that I will not make the mistake of giving the negative aspects of rejection all of the power. I will be rejected with grace and extract the positive outcomes for my own personal growth. 

“Close doors. Rejections. They do not decide your fate. They simply redirect your course. You must keep moving because life’s detours can also be meaningful.” – Dodinksy 

Respect the Journey. 


Patience to Settle

I really feel like I need a support group. Some place I can go and just talk some things out. I know that there are tons of people who are just like me. Tons of people who are at the brink of making a crazy leap but still have that daunting fear of falling flat on their face. I know I’m always preaching about fate loving fearless beings. So, what the hell is my problem? Right now, I’m working a job that is stunting my growth and I feel like my wings are clipped every time I sit down at my desk. I yearn for a more challenging and thriving environment, one that is conducive to molding my creativity while I am building stronger technical skills. So what am I waiting for? Am I being patient or am I settling? I think that a dissection is necessary for me to try to discern what’s holding me back.


Do me a favor and Google search, “quotes about settling”. You will be bombarded with tons of quotes that will aid you in empowering yourself to keep moving or to say “No” on your quest to fight for what you want. I think that many people only look at settling in the context of romantic relationships. There is the risk of settling in every aspect of our lives from settling for the potato chips instead demanding from self to do better and hop off the couch and cut up some crunchy veggies to make a healthier option. You can settle with your employer – “Oh, they give me freedom and so much vacation time”. “I have tenure here; I don’t want to start all over again”.

Settling is synonymous with being comfortable. I don’t want to be comfy; I want to be wiggling around, making moves, striving for better, building an empire for myself. How can I do that in the comfort zone? I can’t. This also means I have to extradite people from my life who live in a comfort zone as well. Yes, that’s criminal. How can I thrive with mediocrity all around me? I can’t.

Being Patience

I am one hundred percent sure that patience is my ultimate test. I fail almost on a daily basis and being impatient is why I am not as far as I believe I should be in life. In the past, it has caused me to be unsuccessful in many aspects of my life from financial status to my health and even in friendships/relationships. So right now, where I’m standing, I want to make sure that I make my next move for reasons other than impatience dominating the scenario. I always have a plan but sometimes my impatience causes me to deviate. I have been on track with a career goal that I constructed over a year ago. I have jumped many hurdles that were lined with mini tests of patience but how do I know when to make a major move and that I’m doing it for the right reason? This is why I feel stuck. I feel like this is my biggest test of patience yet and I truly don’t want to fail. Ugh, is that fear sneaking back in? Or am I really supposed to wait?

Now that you can see my plight, it should be more evident as to why I believe that a support group would be beneficial for me. Is there anyone else in this same place as I right now in life? I’m trying to remember my worth, remember what I deserve, and be patient at the same time; a virtual and emotional juggling act for sure.

I’m going to drop this Amelia Earhart quote right here that has been stuck with me this week and drop the mic:

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.”

 Until next time,


Keep it Sweet

My music choices are too eclectic to understand. No for real, they go from Gucci Mane to Anita Baker. But in the lyrics, I often find the sweetest messages. Where are you going with this Shemila? Is that what you are thinking? Anyways, it’s almost time for that date that you drew a heart around on your calendar, Valentine’s Day. If you know me personally, then you know that for the past X amount of years, I have been observing it as Single’s Awareness Day instead. The tables have turned and there is a lad who is crazy enough to want to share time with me on this day we call a Hallmark hoax when we are single or without a special someone to share it with. Okay back to the point I was making about song lyrics, I heard Chaka Khan’s Funny Valentine while listening to one of my fav albums, The Waiting to Exhale soundtrack, and it made me sorta mushy.  

She sings, “You make me smile with my heart”. Then she goes on to sing “Your looks are laughable, Un-photographable…yet, you’re my favorite work of art. “ And later she tells us that “Every day is Valentine’s Day.” I bet that she adores/adored the man behind these lyrics that she’s singing so freely. Her lyrics can be used to substantiate a point that I am always trying to reiterate when there is a holiday associated with the exchange of gifts. Gifts are great and make you feel good when received especially when extravagant or well thought out. But a material thing can never overshadow the way you make someone feel through your actions.

Some of us may only see the guy that has the heart eyed emoji by his name in our contacts once every few weeks and some may see this guy on a daily basis. If there is geographical distance, this only means that there are fewer opportunities for the indescribable feeling of gratitude to occur. That feeling that it is Valentine’s Day every day, every time that you interact. Don’t you want that goofy smile on your face all that time, you know, the one you have when you get a cute unexpected text message or email? See, you won’t have that same sort of smile when you open up that expensive perfume or those chocolate covered strawberries from Sherry’s Berries. I’m not saying that I won’t exchange gifts but I am saying that I am after what is intrinsic, those things we cannot explain or quantify. That’s what matters the most to me, those moments that put a smile on my face just before I go to sleep at night.

In my opinion, it’s important not to get caught up in materialism. I’ll take the shack with the man I love over the mansion with a man that it’s not real with. Humph, guess this can be another proclamation to add to my “I will not settle” memoirs. How will you be celebrating your boo, bae, husband, significant other, homie- lover- friend this year?

 Fight for the fairytale, it does exist.



Scared of Beautiful

On 12/31 at 11:59am, I sat on a pew in some place familiar; the church I was raised in, it was where my second family resided as I was growing up. I was sitting between my sister who has been given that title due to our history and my two favorite people, my niece and my mom. Being in this place in that moment, I could not help but to have flashes of nostalgia followed by thoughts of the future. Everyone is so into making resolutions and really for me, I’m not into that. I have always had goals, from the moment I got my first journal probably around age eight or nine. The goals are in range from very short term like what I want to achieve during the upcoming week to very long term, where I want to be in a year, two years, etc. I have a rough idea of where I want to escalate to in life and I’ve realized that it is not about what I have to do to get there but more about what’s holding me back. What are the fears that are not contributing to my acceleration?
Fate loves the fearless, fate loves the fearless, I literally repeat this to myself on a regular basis. It’s so freaking true. There is this song by Brandy called Scared of Beautiful that basically sums up what I’m trying to convey, the purpose of this post.

Here’s part of the chorus:

No wonder why

There’s no mirrors on these walls no more

You can’t tell me why

You’re so terrified of beautiful

Scared of the good

More than the evil

Scared of the light

More than the dark

Scared of the truth so much more than the lie

I’m scared for me

*sigh* So, can someone be so complacent that they become fearful of the possibilities of being fully happy and fully whole? Are we afraid to relinquish and be vulnerable in order to obtain something that we have been seeking, something that we have never had before? In my day to day interactions I am exposed to people who reside on both sides of the spectrum. I’m acquainted with a woman who took a crazy leap and is happier than she has ever been before. She stepped out on faith, the faith that she could be happier once she stopped settling. On the other end, there is another acquaintance who I am convinced is satisfied with being mediocre even if it means being unhappy because of fear. Can someone be fearful of being happy? Smiling at the little things, just wrapped up in a bubble of bliss? Who doesn’t want that, right? As I get closer and closer to being whole and a more delighted being, I do think about how easily things could tumble down but those thoughts dissipate almost immediately when my mind feels the flutters of my heart.

 So in 2016, I challenge you to relinquish, release, and stop being scared. Raise your hands and surrender, let the negative thoughts roll down your back and welcome the new, the thoughts of excelling, and surprising everyone, even yourself. I do small things almost on a daily basis to push myself and often cry when I achieve these things or complete the associated tasks. Those tears are a mixture of being proud of me for making the action and being disappointed in me for actually entertaining the thought of not making the action that I did.

 If your goals don’t scare you they aren’t big enough but don’t ever let the fear cause hesitation.




The Shed

Man, it is really that time of year again. It’s time for my annual review – not only with my employer but for me personally. This is a time of reflection, soul searching and goal setting for me. I have realized so many things this year and have had many epiphanies and revelations in which I am grateful for. I can’t wait to embark on new adventures in year 2015 but in order for me to do that I need to shed some weight. I picked up a few pounds throughout the year in the form of people – they’ve gotta go!

I am an asset to the life of those that I love and if I am your friend, then I love you and I have no belief in half stepping. With that being said, there are some general criteria for those relationships will be left in 2014. If I do not understand why you are in my life, you will be left behind. If you do not hold yourself to a high standard or have goals and dreams, you are being left behind. If you are not fighting the battle, daily, for happiness, buh –bye. I am destined for greatness so anything that I have control over including personal relationships should contain sprinkles of inspiration and beauty. I need to be able to pick up the telephone and talk about my dreams and aspirations no matter how outlandish they are to anyone in my life and the response should be something as crazy and maybe even some encouragement, ya know? I have some major life changes to make next year and I don’t need anyone distracting me or bogging me down with negativity. I am up for the challenge and ready for the shed. I don’t need to make any sort of declaration to these individuals, they will just see the change in my stride and my lips will be sealed more often, ears may go deaf a little more, you get it. Will you join me in this challenge?

Let’s reflect and goal set!


The Spill

I have just been in a whirlwind of craziness, chaos, and just been being too self-absorbed to take the time to share myself, but I’m back. I will be the first to tell you that working sixty or more hours per week between two jobs is NO JOKE, especially when you pair it with homework. Yikes! I have just successfully completed another trimester of school and I’m inches closer to my dreams. I’ve started so many posts, with no available time to finish, so I just have decided to aimlessly type because this is my platform, like duh…here come the random bullet points; enjoythem,my babies!

Winter as a Bach

It’s cuffing season again and my cuffs are handless. This is a surprise to everyone but me. Daaaang, I don’t want to toot my own horn but – beep beep! Like what is the problem? Why hast thou forsaken me? I feel like those who are in relationships or who have prospects have no idea what a single girl really goes through. The amount of hope I put into a new interaction with a male can’t even be quantified. When he finally ribits and reveals that he’s a frog, nowhere near being a prince, it’s just so heart breaking. It doesn’t get easier to accept either. I will be traveling through the winter months with my heating pad and hot toddies, all the while playing Mary J. Blige’s “Real Love” on repeat.

Sometimes, it seems that settling is a punishment I have given myself, but then I am reminded that I am triumphant when I get a glimpse of the lives that I could have chose. I will continue to enjoy my time by the fire and my bitter cold morning drives with the music blaring until someone wants to accompany me. He is more than welcome to eat but has to be able to bring something to the table as well. I may not be feeling warmth from someone’s touch, but I’m warm inside knowing how much I love myself and that I am showing the world through my choices to recognize my worth.

Forgiveness feels Warm

I just recently had an invigorating weekend with an old chum and it was like breathing a breath of fresh air. I honestly do believe that all things do come full circle. I also believe that some things are appreciated greater from afar. I parted ways with a friend that was really my sister; we shared the same parents and siblings – not through blood but through time and experience. Things fell apart because we were both growing rapidly and were so much alike that we bumped heads. It’s not about getting people to understand, it’s about doing what works and what brings delight. I think that absence was the best thing that happened for our friendship. A tragic occurrence lead to our friendship being brought back to life and I just really think that it was the work of destiny. I feel warm knowing that we forgave each other; it’s a beautiful feeling to let go.

Ended from the Beginning

Have you ever started something with someone knowing that it had no clear direction? I don’t do this often because I am one of these people who has to know why each person is in my life and what purpose they serve. I even sometimes “cut the fat” to feel sane. But there are those times when I start up a friendship or situationship that has no definition – it just is. I am a lover of organic things in life so maybe that’s the part of me that enjoys doing this. I started something roughly a year ago that has brought me more positive emotion than negative, and that makes me feel alive. Is that enough to allow it to continue? I’m sensitive and ooze passion so I am naturally putting more in than I should be, that’s one thing for sure. But damn there’s no reward without risk right? I hope someone feels me on this, or am I the only weirdo who does things of this caliber? I just want to FEEL, isn’t that what life is about? The cute little things that aren’t even worth mentioning when you tell the story back to your friends? Testing the waters? Living on the edge? It’s one of those things that you know could potentially be a bad investment, but that was brought to you so you feel like you need to explore. I’m at a Crossroad, will I see you there or just Bone Thugs N Harmony. Nah?

Ignorance isn’t always a Bad thing

This week I have just been living obliviously for the lack of a better adjective and I must say that it feels good. I think this is the secret to life. There are problems that exist, but as long as they aren’t detrimental, why worry? I have been counting my blessings and just enjoying every breath. I feel like this is the way to live life so why don’t I do it all the time? It’s really all about mindset; I mean you can literally dictate what will become of your day!!! Ya’ll don’t hear me though likeeeeee, whew! I had an epiphany somewhere between here and Sunday and I just feel high. I think that as long as we allow ourselves to release tension by using whatever method is comforting to us, we can live life elevated. It is truly all about those choices we make when we are feeling the most empowered.

Now that I have left you feeling like I’m an utter psychopath, my job is done.

Let go and live.


Squeeze Dem Lemons

Life gives you exactly what you ask for. We ask for what we want not by our words, but by our actions. I have been feeling extremely empowered lately. I am not where I want to be but every day I take a step towards that ultimate destination. I took my life by the reigns some time ago and decided that my happiness was under my dictatorship. It saddens me to think that other people don’t feel this way. I literally feel uneasy about entering into interactions with those who have not made the same decision as I. Happiness is what life is all about right? We have goals we want to achieve and millions we want to make because of our craving for happiness, fulfillment, and the distinguished feeling of accomplishment.

My belief is that if you are not happy, you should be working on constructing a master plan to turn things around for yourself. I do not believe that you have a right to complain if you are not making an effort to change. This is coming from the crazy girl with Excel spreadsheets for her goals, budget, and dream buys such as a new purse or automatic starter for my car. This is because every little thought and desire counts. If I prepare these lists, I am giving all of the items a chance to manifest themselves. I am also declaring it to God, to the universe, and whoever else is listening so that it is known what Mila wants and ultimately will achieve. I am not afraid to request the unforeseen because I believe in miracles. Heck, I am one! My point is that happiness is in the dream and being fearless in your wishes.

Lately, I have been performing unwarranted protests surrounding the dreaded “settle” syndrome. We settle because we are lazy. We settle out of fear. We settle because we don’t believe we deserve better. Well guess what, I ain’t lazy or scared! My Webster’s Dictionary application tells me that settling is to dispose of finally; close up or to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis. There are some words in these definitions that won’t ever sit well with me: dispose, finally, permanent. These words fit in perfectly with happiness’ antonym: misery. Yeah, I could see myself being miserable if I chose to believe that my position was permanent. Even the president has dreams, happiness means to go higher.

I don’t have the energy or a cape so being Captain Save-a-Hoe isn’t in my cards either. I will give my advice or input when it’s requested but I have made the decision this morning that I will not be repeating myself to those who continuously complain. It is exhausting and does nothing but darken my light. I am focused on my own journey and I have to remember that the Mila who likes to save hoes is not always in alignment with Mila who is in her zone and fighting daily to make sure that her dreams do come true. This all goes back to me feeling as if I am entitled to being selfish because guess what? I am. I want folks to be uneasy when they come to me with plights that they aren’t truly seeking a resolution for or even complaining to me about something they aren’t working on changing. I have accepted the fact that not everyone wants to be happy, not everyone is determined, not everyone has the fight in them. With that being said, not everyone belongs in my life. I have my chosen few. Do you?

Let your actions do the talking.

La Vida Limbo

The plan is not to settle. It has been, is, and will always be. This means that I will have an everlasting fight. The fight is often times within me rather than with external forces. The fight means that sometimes I have to live in complete uncertainty despite the fact that I am a self-diagnosed control freak. I have taken this crazy oath on a stack of pink Bibles that I will not settle in any aspect of my life. This oath stretches from courtship with men to the letter grade my instructor gives me at the end of a term. I am not perfect so sometimes I do fall short of the high mark I strive for but since my expectations for myself are so high failure is still success. Yes, failure is still success. I am only trying to set myself up to win because I encounter someone losing on almost a daily basis.

Being afraid to exit your comfort zone makes you a loser. As strange as it sounds some people work hard to be a loser and work hard to be unhappy. People are working right now to keep relationships together that should be ended. They are fighting the inevitable and breaking who they are just to be unhappy. They are putting in countless years in at a job eight miserable hours per day, five days a week in some dank office. When you know something is not right, you feel it in your gut but some people seem to just attribute this instinctual feeling to gas and keep treading down the wrong path. I don’t ever want to be one of those people. I think that maybe I don’t go as far in relationship development as most because I don’t believe in using force. I have experienced the beauty of organic friendships and relationships and I would never want anything less.

Living with uncertainty often means that I am summoned to find the silver lining. It means that I must spend more time alone than the average human so that I can keep my thoughts focused and collected. It means that many people will not understand me. It means that some people will have negative feelings toward me because I am able to reject their senseless offerings. It means that I have chosen to take the unpaved road instead of hitting cruise control down that newly paved highway. It means that I am learning how important patience really is. It means that faith is my compass.

I am standing in the gap just working hard with my head down. Watch out because when I look up, I will be one hell of a woman.

Never settle,

Duped in a Small World

story time

There is no fiction as strange as the truth. This saying really couldn’t be truer especially when it comes to my life as Mila. With that being said, please fasten your seatbelt and grab some Orville Redenbacher’s for your enjoyment while I share this short story. The events that I am about to share are real but the names have been changed.

About three months ago, I opted out of being a couch potato and decided to go hang out with one of my fun friends, Erica. Erica and I had a wonderful night out just letting our hair down, bobbing our heads to new music, taking bathroom selfies and of course giggling over drinks. At bar number two, I was approached by a guy who said he was in love with my hair. Now, I was not the most sober person in the world but I still thought he was a weirdo. He was dressed in decent clothes and his breath smelled okay so I allowed him to flirt with me. I must have been feeling really good because I let homeboy have my number. I am typically not the girl who gives her number out while she is out on the town but I was clearly off my game. Because I have a hard time rejecting others I typically give out my cell number from like ten years ago or even my friend Trina’s number. The following day or the day after, this guy texted me and the textersation probably only lasted for like four bubbles before my interest was lost. Okay got that down right?

Now, let’s fast forward to about three or four weeks ago. I found myself on that ratchet dating site again and behold there was a nice looking guy. Additionally he possessed a sense of humor and said he was from Philly, Philly is on my list of prospective places to move and find my dream job so I’m all like tell me more! We exchanged a few messages on the site and then finally he asked for my number. Oh and it will be important to know that he is an aspiring vocalist and sent me a video of him belting out a John Legend song, it wasn’t bad either. Despite the fact that he used all CAPS when texting, he seemed pretty cool and he could joke with me, that was a major plus. We decided to meet up and we hung out very briefly, the chemistry was not there, I could even go on to say that I was slightly annoyed. He was shorter than me, the same height as my mother precisely and he immediately began calling me by a pet name. Okay so after our hang out time ended, he sent me several texts proclaiming how much he liked me and blah blah blaaaaah; guess he felt a spark that I didn’t. His aura just didn’t rub me right and he caught on after my replies to him stayed under four words.

Hit the fast forward button for one last time for me. Okay so here I am minding my business and I get a text from the original guy. For the sake of the story let’s call him Eddie. Okay so I receive a “What are you up to” text from Eddie out of the blue and by this time I have not a clue who he is. He told me to follow him on Instagram so that I could refresh my memory and I did. Upon him accepting my request, I began looking through his pictures and I’ll be damned if I did not see him in a picture with the singer guy. I also found the same video clipping of dude singing too, Eddie posted it “shouting” him out.

HOLY CRAP…WAIIIIIIIT! Wait, was I catfished? Hold up hmmmm, that doesn’t apply. Were they playing a game with me? OMG when I first met Eddie he was with someone at that bar, was it singer dude? Did he seek me out? My mind was literally exploding. I was totally freaked out and had a mini meltdown. How in the heck was the world that small? Why me Lord, Whhhhhhy? Was it just a legitimate coincidence or do I need to consider witness protection? Neither one of these guys was ever even a true prospect, there was so much wasted energy that this situation demanded.

Ahhhhh well, I suppose this story has some sort of moral outside of the fact that the happenings in my life seem to be a clusterfuck that only a run on sentence could explain. Two things I took away were to delete my online dating profile for good. You could literally be who you want online and manipulate the hair off someone’s head. I’m just too genuine an naïve for that sort of thing. The second lesson is to not give my number out just for the hell of it. I honestly never do but this whole story was a prime example of why I don’t do such a thing. It was confirmation, if you will. Are you still with me? It wasn’t even Friday the thirteenth, HA! Ewsies, recalling this story makes me want to get a third lock installed on my front door.

Watch out for the boogie man.