The Spill

I have just been in a whirlwind of craziness, chaos, and just been being too self-absorbed to take the time to share myself, but I’m back. I will be the first to tell you that working sixty or more hours per week between two jobs is NO JOKE, especially when you pair it with homework. Yikes! I have just successfully completed another trimester of school and I’m inches closer to my dreams. I’ve started so many posts, with no available time to finish, so I just have decided to aimlessly type because this is my platform, like duh…here come the random bullet points; enjoythem,my babies!

Winter as a Bach

It’s cuffing season again and my cuffs are handless. This is a surprise to everyone but me. Daaaang, I don’t want to toot my own horn but – beep beep! Like what is the problem? Why hast thou forsaken me? I feel like those who are in relationships or who have prospects have no idea what a single girl really goes through. The amount of hope I put into a new interaction with a male can’t even be quantified. When he finally ribits and reveals that he’s a frog, nowhere near being a prince, it’s just so heart breaking. It doesn’t get easier to accept either. I will be traveling through the winter months with my heating pad and hot toddies, all the while playing Mary J. Blige’s “Real Love” on repeat.

Sometimes, it seems that settling is a punishment I have given myself, but then I am reminded that I am triumphant when I get a glimpse of the lives that I could have chose. I will continue to enjoy my time by the fire and my bitter cold morning drives with the music blaring until someone wants to accompany me. He is more than welcome to eat but has to be able to bring something to the table as well. I may not be feeling warmth from someone’s touch, but I’m warm inside knowing how much I love myself and that I am showing the world through my choices to recognize my worth.

Forgiveness feels Warm

I just recently had an invigorating weekend with an old chum and it was like breathing a breath of fresh air. I honestly do believe that all things do come full circle. I also believe that some things are appreciated greater from afar. I parted ways with a friend that was really my sister; we shared the same parents and siblings – not through blood but through time and experience. Things fell apart because we were both growing rapidly and were so much alike that we bumped heads. It’s not about getting people to understand, it’s about doing what works and what brings delight. I think that absence was the best thing that happened for our friendship. A tragic occurrence lead to our friendship being brought back to life and I just really think that it was the work of destiny. I feel warm knowing that we forgave each other; it’s a beautiful feeling to let go.

Ended from the Beginning

Have you ever started something with someone knowing that it had no clear direction? I don’t do this often because I am one of these people who has to know why each person is in my life and what purpose they serve. I even sometimes “cut the fat” to feel sane. But there are those times when I start up a friendship or situationship that has no definition – it just is. I am a lover of organic things in life so maybe that’s the part of me that enjoys doing this. I started something roughly a year ago that has brought me more positive emotion than negative, and that makes me feel alive. Is that enough to allow it to continue? I’m sensitive and ooze passion so I am naturally putting more in than I should be, that’s one thing for sure. But damn there’s no reward without risk right? I hope someone feels me on this, or am I the only weirdo who does things of this caliber? I just want to FEEL, isn’t that what life is about? The cute little things that aren’t even worth mentioning when you tell the story back to your friends? Testing the waters? Living on the edge? It’s one of those things that you know could potentially be a bad investment, but that was brought to you so you feel like you need to explore. I’m at a Crossroad, will I see you there or just Bone Thugs N Harmony. Nah?

Ignorance isn’t always a Bad thing

This week I have just been living obliviously for the lack of a better adjective and I must say that it feels good. I think this is the secret to life. There are problems that exist, but as long as they aren’t detrimental, why worry? I have been counting my blessings and just enjoying every breath. I feel like this is the way to live life so why don’t I do it all the time? It’s really all about mindset; I mean you can literally dictate what will become of your day!!! Ya’ll don’t hear me though likeeeeee, whew! I had an epiphany somewhere between here and Sunday and I just feel high. I think that as long as we allow ourselves to release tension by using whatever method is comforting to us, we can live life elevated. It is truly all about those choices we make when we are feeling the most empowered.

Now that I have left you feeling like I’m an utter psychopath, my job is done.

Let go and live.

-M

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La Vida Limbo

The plan is not to settle. It has been, is, and will always be. This means that I will have an everlasting fight. The fight is often times within me rather than with external forces. The fight means that sometimes I have to live in complete uncertainty despite the fact that I am a self-diagnosed control freak. I have taken this crazy oath on a stack of pink Bibles that I will not settle in any aspect of my life. This oath stretches from courtship with men to the letter grade my instructor gives me at the end of a term. I am not perfect so sometimes I do fall short of the high mark I strive for but since my expectations for myself are so high failure is still success. Yes, failure is still success. I am only trying to set myself up to win because I encounter someone losing on almost a daily basis.

Being afraid to exit your comfort zone makes you a loser. As strange as it sounds some people work hard to be a loser and work hard to be unhappy. People are working right now to keep relationships together that should be ended. They are fighting the inevitable and breaking who they are just to be unhappy. They are putting in countless years in at a job eight miserable hours per day, five days a week in some dank office. When you know something is not right, you feel it in your gut but some people seem to just attribute this instinctual feeling to gas and keep treading down the wrong path. I don’t ever want to be one of those people. I think that maybe I don’t go as far in relationship development as most because I don’t believe in using force. I have experienced the beauty of organic friendships and relationships and I would never want anything less.

Living with uncertainty often means that I am summoned to find the silver lining. It means that I must spend more time alone than the average human so that I can keep my thoughts focused and collected. It means that many people will not understand me. It means that some people will have negative feelings toward me because I am able to reject their senseless offerings. It means that I have chosen to take the unpaved road instead of hitting cruise control down that newly paved highway. It means that I am learning how important patience really is. It means that faith is my compass.

I am standing in the gap just working hard with my head down. Watch out because when I look up, I will be one hell of a woman.

Never settle,
-M

Nice Girls Finish Last

June has been super-duper rough and my stars just don’t seem to be aligned. I have a goal of making at least two posts per month and it’s been a struggle, writer’s block has been tackling me like some big musty football player. I popped Brandy’s Full Moon CD from 2002 in my PC and it’s providing some relief so I’m going with it. I’ve decided just to rant in hopes that someone can relate to a sistah.

Last Place – Okay so on the race to finding something constant with the opposite sex, I’m for sure a turtle. The age old saying is that nice guys finish last but the girls are back here too. I’m last in the race but I don’t see any nice guys back here with me, hmmm I’m confused. I can literally stroke these keys to say that I always have my friends and acquaintances best interests at heart in every action that I take. My eyes start to water from the bottom as I then type that I feel as though this is not always reciprocated. The thing is that these people who don’t love me the same aren’t the bearers of my blessings so I will continue being who I am no matter how many battle wounds it gives. Those who take advantage of my kindness or generosity and even assume that I am weak because of it will have something greater to answer to than a confrontation from me. I just expect someone to be genuine, circumstances are relative.

Not so Casual – So I’m beginning to eat my words. I thought I could play the game where I really didn’t “care” or commit. But I do freaking care, I care too much and often times about the wrong people. Now being who I am, why on God’s green earth would I ever get the idea that I could take the emotion out of anything? I literally had a roster of guys who I was entertaining and I had to lay them off. I just can’t. I want attention when I want it and there’s a problem when no one on the team is available. Like really? And on top of that, some of the other people on their rosters aren’t on my level so then it makes me seem less than what I am, at least in my mind. So committing to not commit was really turning out to being me selling myself short. I have worked waaaaay too hard to build myself up and realize how much worth I encompass to settle. My team has been laid off and I am back to being a loner for now. I’ll just let serendipity do its thang!

It’s my Anniversary – Ummm so my birthday is in about twenty days and I can’t think of any major accomplishments that I want to brag about. I can say that I survived and kicked my adversities in the donkey. I can say that my faith was tested and I passed. I had some cloudy days and times but my faith in sunshine got me through. My support system never ceases to amaze me, I have people that speak so highly of me and all I am doing is being me so I’m often baffled on top of being flattered by their opinions. I can say that if there aren’t people like that in your life, you need to march your behind back to square one. I will take the year and thank it for the beautiful memories and amazing triumphs and tests of my forever growing faith and courage.

Goals are Wiggly – One day I think I know exactly what I want to do and then the next I’m so confused. This month alone, I wanted to go to flight attendant school, move to Philadelphia in pursuit of a fashion job, move to Atlanta to escalate with my current job, and quit my job and live with my parents to write a book. There is not a day that goes by that I am not dreaming. I thank God for this ability, I am seeing it as more of a talent than anything else as I encounter people who don’t have goals and are content. I don’t understand what life is without goals as I have had them since I learned how to write. I love to dream, it literally keeps me young. I will not stop making leaps toward what I want, I will land on the lily pad that’s meant for me soon enough. My goals may wiggle but I think it works for me; I just had an epiphany writing this. Any movement is better than no movement at all.

Secretly Steve
– What most people don’t know about me is that I used to be an extremely shy person like extreeeeeemely. Once I was around a bunch of outgoing people, I learned how to speak up and that closed mouths don’t get fed. Being quiet and passive literally gets you nothing but stepped on. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I clam up but I now have an inner lion that tells me to buck up. Okay so I may have learned to become more outspoken but I’m still secretly Steven Q. Urkel. I still have sweaty palms and almost swallow my tongue in social settings, especially if it’s a new enviornment to me altogether. The trouble with this plight is that no one believes this to be true, I guess I have the whole fake it to you make it thing down packed. I just want to cry about the fact that it takes me so much more than the “normal” person to do new things and meet new people and then I will be fine. I think I experience some sort of apprehension daily but I will not stop overcoming my fears because I have a good success rate for favorable outcomes.

Full Plate – I just don’t know how to exist without having my plate full of things to do. I think I am my best when I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I like to prove to myself that I can handle a lot and I don’t feel accomplished until I’m exhausted. My ideal way to live right now is to have two jobs and while exceling as a full-time student. I feel like I’m playing catch up after being side tracked for several years and anything less than overdrive makes me feel inadequate. I’m not sure if this is a flaw or what but some guy did once tell me that “two jobs is for two people”. That guy doesn’t pay my bills or buy me new purses and shoes so I don’t think he knew what he was talking about. Ahhhhh, I don’t know but I just really don’t feel like I deserve to lay on the couch like a bump on a log until I can say that my blurry dreams are in fact reality. Am I trippin’ or just determined?

Well my friends, the random rant is over, I hope you enjoyed this dose of me.

Your favorite turtle,

-M

Duped in a Small World

story time

There is no fiction as strange as the truth. This saying really couldn’t be truer especially when it comes to my life as Mila. With that being said, please fasten your seatbelt and grab some Orville Redenbacher’s for your enjoyment while I share this short story. The events that I am about to share are real but the names have been changed.

About three months ago, I opted out of being a couch potato and decided to go hang out with one of my fun friends, Erica. Erica and I had a wonderful night out just letting our hair down, bobbing our heads to new music, taking bathroom selfies and of course giggling over drinks. At bar number two, I was approached by a guy who said he was in love with my hair. Now, I was not the most sober person in the world but I still thought he was a weirdo. He was dressed in decent clothes and his breath smelled okay so I allowed him to flirt with me. I must have been feeling really good because I let homeboy have my number. I am typically not the girl who gives her number out while she is out on the town but I was clearly off my game. Because I have a hard time rejecting others I typically give out my cell number from like ten years ago or even my friend Trina’s number. The following day or the day after, this guy texted me and the textersation probably only lasted for like four bubbles before my interest was lost. Okay got that down right?

Now, let’s fast forward to about three or four weeks ago. I found myself on that ratchet dating site again and behold there was a nice looking guy. Additionally he possessed a sense of humor and said he was from Philly, Philly is on my list of prospective places to move and find my dream job so I’m all like tell me more! We exchanged a few messages on the site and then finally he asked for my number. Oh and it will be important to know that he is an aspiring vocalist and sent me a video of him belting out a John Legend song, it wasn’t bad either. Despite the fact that he used all CAPS when texting, he seemed pretty cool and he could joke with me, that was a major plus. We decided to meet up and we hung out very briefly, the chemistry was not there, I could even go on to say that I was slightly annoyed. He was shorter than me, the same height as my mother precisely and he immediately began calling me by a pet name. Okay so after our hang out time ended, he sent me several texts proclaiming how much he liked me and blah blah blaaaaah; guess he felt a spark that I didn’t. His aura just didn’t rub me right and he caught on after my replies to him stayed under four words.

Hit the fast forward button for one last time for me. Okay so here I am minding my business and I get a text from the original guy. For the sake of the story let’s call him Eddie. Okay so I receive a “What are you up to” text from Eddie out of the blue and by this time I have not a clue who he is. He told me to follow him on Instagram so that I could refresh my memory and I did. Upon him accepting my request, I began looking through his pictures and I’ll be damned if I did not see him in a picture with the singer guy. I also found the same video clipping of dude singing too, Eddie posted it “shouting” him out.

HOLY CRAP…WAIIIIIIIT! Wait, was I catfished? Hold up hmmmm, that doesn’t apply. Were they playing a game with me? OMG when I first met Eddie he was with someone at that bar, was it singer dude? Did he seek me out? My mind was literally exploding. I was totally freaked out and had a mini meltdown. How in the heck was the world that small? Why me Lord, Whhhhhhy? Was it just a legitimate coincidence or do I need to consider witness protection? Neither one of these guys was ever even a true prospect, there was so much wasted energy that this situation demanded.

Ahhhhh well, I suppose this story has some sort of moral outside of the fact that the happenings in my life seem to be a clusterfuck that only a run on sentence could explain. Two things I took away were to delete my online dating profile for good. You could literally be who you want online and manipulate the hair off someone’s head. I’m just too genuine an naïve for that sort of thing. The second lesson is to not give my number out just for the hell of it. I honestly never do but this whole story was a prime example of why I don’t do such a thing. It was confirmation, if you will. Are you still with me? It wasn’t even Friday the thirteenth, HA! Ewsies, recalling this story makes me want to get a third lock installed on my front door.

Watch out for the boogie man.

-M

The Spark

spark

When you first meet a member of the opposite sex, is every meeting the same? My theory is that everyone possesses some sort of energy and that when two energies that are meant for each other come in contact, there is a spark. Its electric, boogie oogy oogy oogy?! For me, if that spark doesn’t happen, I’m leery of the initial and any future contacts with the fella in question. I’ve also found that the spark can exist with what seems to be the wrong guy; does the spark make the wrong right? In all of those wonderful Disney movies and romantic comedies starring Cameron Diaz, the spark is always instant but I believe that in real life, we have to sometimes do some rubbing to get the spark going.

So in true Mila fashion, I am going to share a list of things that get that spark going for me outside of rubbing a rock against his chest:

Honesty – Ohhhhh my gosh, even if what is being shared is unfavorable, the raw and uncut truth is sure to get that fire a-going. There is nothing sexier than someone who does not lie, I’m talking about the bold faced lies as well as the ones by omission. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m transparent so encountering someone who is an opportunist and/or dishonest is sure to be harmful to me. No country for sparks with a liar.

Physical attributes
– I really hated to put this on my list since I’m a ride or die fan of the anti-superficial movement but there are just some things that physically turn us on. For me, it is height and skin tone. There will be some sort of spark if the guy is taller than me and has the same skin tone as a Hershey bar. Call the fire squad if he has on some fresh kicks and his teeth are sparkling white.

Aggression – no, no, no, not in the Ike Turner way but just a guy who knows how to take initiative. Be a man with a plan, especially during our first few encounters. I just can’t really get jiggy with this new age stuff where the guy just wants to come sit on my couch. Take me out; show me off, I’m surely worth an ice cream cone or a matinee movie. Don’t just tell me you want to see me, ask me to go with you to walk your dog in the park or hell even ride through the automatic car wash with you. Just be aggressive like a man should be!

Humor – Whats the saying, if you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything? Welp, its freaking true! The funny guy always wins and I don’t mean the douche bag who’s “trying”. I’m talking about the cute corny stuff or the guy who laughs instead of getting angry. That is super sweet and so admirable. If he has a sense of humor and knows how to let things roll off of his back, no rock will be required to get sparked up!

The spark isn’t always there initially and it doesn’t always come later either. Be patient. We just have to be cautious as well and discern when to throw the rock down and when to keep rubbing. During my stay in Singletown, I am learning that the best relationships are the ones that no one saw coming. I love all things unconventional so I know that I will be working at the spark with whomever, whenever.

I’m headed outside to find the perfect rock. If you stay ready you ain’t gotta get ready, right?

-M

Search and You Will Find

trust

Trust Issues…Wow these two words together are impactful, that’s one thing that I know for certain. I can only speak on this subject from what I have observed because I don’t believe that I personally have an issue with trust. That’s right no daddy issues, no abandonment trauma, and no heart breaks…this means that I can speak on this subject from a place that most can’t. I have no reason to not believe what someone in my life tells me unless I visually see that something else is occurring or has occurred. I really do believe that everyone that I have let into my world has my best interest at heart. I think that for a woman of my age, I am more naïve than most, but this is perfectly fine with me. Being naïve leaves many aspects of life pure and uncontaminated, it’s a beautiful thing. A little purity in such a dark, cold, and dirty world can hardly be seen as a negative thing.

When a person comes up in conversation that I love, I speak of them in the highest regard and defend them when necessary. If I cannot do this, well…you aren’t my friend. If you aren’t my friend then you aren’t privy to my daily life. Ahhhhh, its refreshing thinking about that and how much time and experience it took for me to get to this point in life. Once I realized that everyone had a price on their forehead and I didn’t always have to find a way to afford some of those costly and tolling friendships, the quality of my life improved greatly. Who are you paying for that you can’t afford? Why haven’t you walked away and saved your money?

I digress, back to the trust issues. Okay so am I crazy or do you only look for things that you want to find? Car keys, your cellphone, your dad that you never met, your friend that got swallowed up by the cereal aisle in Kroger, the proper over the counter drug for your temporary ailment, oh you get my point by now, right? Alright so when a partner, spouse, fiancé or whomever starts snooping through their mate’s cellphone, Facebook, Email, or whatever, what does that mean? Does that mean that the trust has diminished? If I’m with you, I trust you. If I trust you, I have nothing to look for…right? It makes me wonder if I am the only one who feels this way when I see girlfriends commenting on every Facebook status or Instagram photo uploaded as if they are pissing on a tree like a dog to mark their territory. Some mates even go as far as sending a message to someone whom they seen leave a comment to stake their claim. When individuals enter into commitment, doesn’t their action tell everyone else to fall back? Okay, if you are reading this and you agree, can you scream out just to let me know that I am not out of my mind?

I am the type that does not feel the need to snoop for information. I trust first and this will never change. Without a shadow of a doubt, I have EVERYONE in my life’s best interest at heart and I have faith that they feel the same way about me. I will never jeopardize what’s right by telling someone I don’t trust them by snooping. The moment you feel the need to snoop, the trust is gone. If the trust is gone, well so is the relationship.
Gaining back lost trust is nearly impossible. If you don’t trust someone, they don’t belong in your life…AT ALL.

This post was brought to you by events that occurred during my weekend.

PS Stop saying “Trust No One”, you sound like a bunch of dumb asses!

-M

Beauty in Words

I’m such a quote whore! I love to start and end my days with words that are beautifully placed together…

This one is courtesy of Julia Cameron:

Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult. What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us.

And this one is courtesy of my favorite blogger, Mastin Kipp:

Having high standards and not settling requires us to spend more time with and on ourselves, becoming the people it takes to create the life of our dreams. We don’t allow fearful or manipulative people, places and circumstances to dictate our outcome. We’d rather walk alone than with someone who drains us.

My world seems like complete chaos but there’s a method to the madness! I’m focused on my focus & am thankful for those who don’t mind sharing their thoughts to help others.

Peace & Blessings.

-M

The Million Dollar Question

Why are you single?

Dunhdunhdunnnnhhhhhh…Folks sure don’t mind asking this question. Many times when I first meet a guy, this is what he asks me. My friends and family who think that I’m such a great catch can’t help but to ask either. As a natural born smart ass, I really want to respond, “If I knew I wouldn’t be single”.

But honestly, I don’t think that this is necessarily the truth. I am my own worst critic so I am aware of all or most of the negative aspects of myself. I honestly do believe that the good traits outweigh the bad, but who am I? I have such great confidence in myself because of all of the amazing feedback I get from the people in my life. Unless they are just lying and telling me how great I am for the heck of it, then I have probable cause to believe that I am a great catch. The thing is that in today’s society, what I have to offer doesn’t seem to matter. As a person who is obsessed with lists, I’m going to make one for the reasons that I believe I am single. Disclaimer: these are just assumptions based off of my experiences with the opposite sex.

I Intimidate – Simply put, my stature. I am tall and don’t have dainty body frame. Just the other day, I was asked if I played for the OSU basketball team! When I go out, I I’m not usually in heels, which I believe makes me feel less than feminine. Never mind the fact that my boobs are the size of basketballs, I just don’t have the girlie thing down. For this reason, I think that I am an intimidating woman. I can sometimes have a serious face too. This is not on purpose considering the fact that I’m probably the most goofy person in the room at any given time in any given place. If the guy just approached me, he would learn that ever so quickly.

I’m overzealous –when I like someone, I am all in! I want to explore that person and I am not afraid to say what’s on my mind. My friends are used to my texting style which is me sending 2 paragraphs in response to a question that most would answer with three words. I also am random and believe in reaching out to a person when I think of them, no matter when. I don’t think that people cross your mind for no reason. To some, this makes me seem crazy and is a major demerit.

I know what I want – I always say that I want a tall, goofy, nerd, who is a thug as well. LOL, this person doesn’t exist – unless he has schizophrenia.

Standards too simple – Honestly, I don’t have a ton of standards because I am bendable based on the circumstances. Superficially, I like guys who are taller than me and have a darker skin tone than mine. I love a clean cut guy with clean shoes, and clean fingernails are a must. I can throw the superficial things out of the door for a guy who can make me laugh and has an aura that matches mine. This is it. I mean I would like someone who is intelligent and worships the ground his mother walks on as well, but aren’t those givens? Are my standards too vague?

I have no baggage – This may be one of the most complex ones to understand. In my dealings with the opposite sex, I have run across guys with children, with financial difficulties, and just unfavorable things in their past as a whole. Because I seem as though things are so “together” on the outside sometimes, I think that I appear to be innocent. I have actually been told by several guys that I seem naïve and innocent. I pride myself on being non-judgmental and as a part of that, I’m an open book as well. I am not ashamed of any of my transgressions and will openly share with those curious enough to ask. Thus far, the guy stops communicating with me before even exploring. This is largely due to that nasty A-word: assumptions.

My needs for things being organic – I am a more of the “go with the flow” type and for that reason. I do not ask a lot of questions. For many, if I am not asking questions then it is believed that I am not interested. I find this to be absurd, I like to allow a person to volunteer information and I also believe that actions speak louder than words. To me, this means that when I am around you I will learn more about you than I would if I just heard you tell me about yourself. Yes, there will be plenty of candid conversations and swaps of short stories, but in the end it all lies in the way I am treated and the way he interacts with others. This is not something that can be answered in a text message.

My plight is, what do I change? To myself I reply, “nothing”. If I changed anything about myself, I would have to cease priding myself on being authentic. I don’t think I want to ever be anything less than real. I will continue on and maybe there will be a prince among the frogs. I am on a beautiful journey towards greatness and I can’t see myself settling for anything less than what I want and less than what I deserve. My list may make me sound crazy but maybe I am! I am crazy about myself! Am I also crazy to think that there is someone crazy enough for me?

Stay tuned.

-M

Cougar Season or nah?

I’m often caught in limbo because I’m not like the rest of the thirty year olds, or at least that’s how it seems. I don’t dress as sophisticated, I don’t wear as much makeup, my hobbies seem to be different, and I’m single with no children. I feel like my heart and spirit haven’t aged since I blew out twenty one candles! I do feel, however, that I am wise beyond my years. It’s like I’m mature and immature at the same time, am I a train wreck? I can contribute my knowledge to my many struggles and triumphs. I’m the go-to girl for many of the people in my life for a plethora of things. I’m just Witty Mila and she likes to ramble on and on, obviously.

The intro was necessary for the understanding of why I always look for the younger guys. The men in my age group just don’t seem to “get” me because I’m not like the rest of the women whom they’ve dealt with. It seems as if they have an idea of how someone like me should be and also assumptions regarding what I would want. Men say that women are difficult but I really think its due to all of these assumptions. I’m open and honest so just ask me what I want, sheesh! I don’t fit the mold so I’m often rejected or heck not even selected! It doesn’t break my heart but it does dampen my soul. I am a lover of all things off kilter and random and would die if my stomach didn’t hurt from laughter on frequent occasions. I feel as though I cannot live without having these few things from the opposite sex and that’s what makes the younger fawns more attractive. This may be against the norm for society, but I’m not ready for the picket fence and babies yet. I’m still working on aligning my future so that when I give birth to mini Mila’s, they can have a blueprint.

There’s something about my aura that gives younger men the go-ahead because they most definitely approach me before any men my age or older ever does. I won’t even share the age of the youngest guy that I’ve fancied. My question has been increasingly becoming: Is this a phase? Am I destined to live the life that of a cougar? Why do the cubs flock to me? Is seeming younger than what I really am a negative thing?
For some this may seem trivial but for me, its my life and the clock is a’tockin. For now, I don’t think I’ll change plus its winter time and cubs are more willing to cuddle. I’ve been diligently working on my goals for the new year to come, maybe I will incorporate this plight. Ugh, I don’t even know if it is a plight! You can’t force what isn’t mean to be right? I’ll just be growling and pouncing til further notice!

Purrr to the Grrrr!

-M