Keep it Sweet

  
My music choices are too eclectic to understand. No for real, they go from Gucci Mane to Anita Baker. But in the lyrics, I often find the sweetest messages. Where are you going with this Shemila? Is that what you are thinking? Anyways, it’s almost time for that date that you drew a heart around on your calendar, Valentine’s Day. If you know me personally, then you know that for the past X amount of years, I have been observing it as Single’s Awareness Day instead. The tables have turned and there is a lad who is crazy enough to want to share time with me on this day we call a Hallmark hoax when we are single or without a special someone to share it with. Okay back to the point I was making about song lyrics, I heard Chaka Khan’s Funny Valentine while listening to one of my fav albums, The Waiting to Exhale soundtrack, and it made me sorta mushy.  

She sings, “You make me smile with my heart”. Then she goes on to sing “Your looks are laughable, Un-photographable…yet, you’re my favorite work of art. “ And later she tells us that “Every day is Valentine’s Day.” I bet that she adores/adored the man behind these lyrics that she’s singing so freely. Her lyrics can be used to substantiate a point that I am always trying to reiterate when there is a holiday associated with the exchange of gifts. Gifts are great and make you feel good when received especially when extravagant or well thought out. But a material thing can never overshadow the way you make someone feel through your actions.

Some of us may only see the guy that has the heart eyed emoji by his name in our contacts once every few weeks and some may see this guy on a daily basis. If there is geographical distance, this only means that there are fewer opportunities for the indescribable feeling of gratitude to occur. That feeling that it is Valentine’s Day every day, every time that you interact. Don’t you want that goofy smile on your face all that time, you know, the one you have when you get a cute unexpected text message or email? See, you won’t have that same sort of smile when you open up that expensive perfume or those chocolate covered strawberries from Sherry’s Berries. I’m not saying that I won’t exchange gifts but I am saying that I am after what is intrinsic, those things we cannot explain or quantify. That’s what matters the most to me, those moments that put a smile on my face just before I go to sleep at night.

In my opinion, it’s important not to get caught up in materialism. I’ll take the shack with the man I love over the mansion with a man that it’s not real with. Humph, guess this can be another proclamation to add to my “I will not settle” memoirs. How will you be celebrating your boo, bae, husband, significant other, homie- lover- friend this year?

 Fight for the fairytale, it does exist.

-M

 

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No Cuff Zone

It seems like a day doesn’t go by that I don’t read an email, article, blog, or post in one on my various timelines that is based upon the ever so buzzy topic of self-worth. There are countless mantras and devotionals that are drafted on a daily basis by all sorts of sources from your everyday Joe Blow to world acclaimed spiritual leaders. It is often that I indulge in this information and even share it. Over the years, I have always conveyed that I knew my worth and worked on my esteem and learning to love myself. Today, when I reflect, I am not one hundred percent sure that I was being real with myself about these declarations I was making. I am that person that everyone believes is real and raw in my delivery of information so dare I admit to falling short of my promises to love myself and know my worth? Honestly, it is not as easy as it seems and it’s truly a daily battle we must choose to fight no matter how wounded we are.

It was not until after cuffing season for 2015 commenced that I realized that I had finally gotten a grip, I had finally reached the level of love for myself that was supposed to be there all along. Cuffing season, it happens every year when the summer comes to a halt and the leaves start to change colors. Guys, for some reason, begin to scroll through their phone books and seek out someone to settle down with at least through the end of January. If you don’t believe me, ask two of your lady friends and they will tell you that they were contacted by a beau from the past a few days after the temperature dropped below fifty degrees. This year, I was contacted by exactly six, yes six guys from the past. Absurd, right?

One by one, they came, from the guy who is the holder of my V-card to the one minute man to the guy who abandoned me with no warning, to the two year old summer fling, to the guy who still has a girlfriend, and so on. One by one, I ducked and dodged them with ease. This is a great feat for me and this is where my most recent epiphany was born. Ya see, just a few years back my esteem was low enough to believe that I had to give any guy my attention that looked my way. I was so low that I really did believe that I had to,”take what I could get” A shame, right? My testimony and point for my post is that you have to begin walking like you are talking and investing in thyself. The return on investments that I have been receiving as of late is astonishing. I am overwhelmed with the amount of pride that I embody and what I have overcome. I can finally say that I do love myself and that I KNOW MY WORTH. The battle is everlasting and the sweetest, most important vow that can be made to self.

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.”

Will you join me in the fight?

-M

Single Redefined

My age is greater than the last time I shared my thoughts and of course once again, I am evaluating my accomplishments and life overall. Where do I want to be? What do I want to achieve next? Ya see, there are several controllables that keep me sane. If I want to be a movie star, I can take acting classes in order to at least feel like I’m working toward my goal. If I want to run a marathon, there’s an application that I can download to my phone that will teach me how to run over a period in time. But those things that I want that I have no control over; those are what haunt me at least once a week, like Michael Myers ready to pounce at any time. The marriage, the husband, the fairytale ending, the “omg I never thought I would find someone to love me” feeling. The other day, a light bulb went off in my head and the heat must have made me schizo for a minute because I heard a voice tell me that being single is not really what it seems. Why does the word have a negative connotation once you hit a certain age or just period? If you don’t have at least like a few exes by the time you graduate high school, you’re a certified weirdo.

According to Webster’s dictionary, the word single means only one in number; one only; unique soul. There are other definitions related to the word such as suitable for one person only, solitary or sole, and unmarried or not in a romantic relationship. Now being the person that I am, I began to dissect these definitions in efforts to retrain my thoughts and find positives. Hmm so unique soul? That is definitely me. See, we were all made to be different and that’s such an attractive thing. I love the fact that I trip over my own feet and laugh it off and that I sometimes snort when I laugh, these are things that make me unique combined with a plethora of other characteristics that would take me countless days to attempt to quantify. Next I thought about what it meant to be solitary or sole, that certainly does not define me. I have a solid support system through my family and friends. As a matter of fact, I would go on to say that a lot of the people in my life admire me and want nothing but for me to excel and grow into a being that I never thought I could be. I have friends who are there that I haven’t talked to in weeks and I have friends that I talk to on a daily basis. I’m blessed and definitely not in any sort of solitude unless I make it my choice.

Why can’t being single be a positive thing? I think it is. I think that once I truly appreciate my uniqueness and accept the fact that yes I’m “unmarried” but I am not in any sort of solitude by any means, that I will become more attractive. We all have struggles due to what we believe life should be like and where we should be in comparison to where we are currently. One of the ways that I was able to grow more confident was “owning” everything that I am. Sometimes I’m a bitch, sometimes I am a pushover, sometimes I’m a slacker, sometimes I’m an over achiever, you get it. Whatever I am, I am me and no one can take that. Today, I own the fact that I am single. I will remain this way until I find someone who will accept all of my weird quirks as well as my colorful group of friends and family that compose my support system.

All my single sistahs, will you own it with me? The world is our runway, let’s work it!

-M

The Spill

I have just been in a whirlwind of craziness, chaos, and just been being too self-absorbed to take the time to share myself, but I’m back. I will be the first to tell you that working sixty or more hours per week between two jobs is NO JOKE, especially when you pair it with homework. Yikes! I have just successfully completed another trimester of school and I’m inches closer to my dreams. I’ve started so many posts, with no available time to finish, so I just have decided to aimlessly type because this is my platform, like duh…here come the random bullet points; enjoythem,my babies!

Winter as a Bach

It’s cuffing season again and my cuffs are handless. This is a surprise to everyone but me. Daaaang, I don’t want to toot my own horn but – beep beep! Like what is the problem? Why hast thou forsaken me? I feel like those who are in relationships or who have prospects have no idea what a single girl really goes through. The amount of hope I put into a new interaction with a male can’t even be quantified. When he finally ribits and reveals that he’s a frog, nowhere near being a prince, it’s just so heart breaking. It doesn’t get easier to accept either. I will be traveling through the winter months with my heating pad and hot toddies, all the while playing Mary J. Blige’s “Real Love” on repeat.

Sometimes, it seems that settling is a punishment I have given myself, but then I am reminded that I am triumphant when I get a glimpse of the lives that I could have chose. I will continue to enjoy my time by the fire and my bitter cold morning drives with the music blaring until someone wants to accompany me. He is more than welcome to eat but has to be able to bring something to the table as well. I may not be feeling warmth from someone’s touch, but I’m warm inside knowing how much I love myself and that I am showing the world through my choices to recognize my worth.

Forgiveness feels Warm

I just recently had an invigorating weekend with an old chum and it was like breathing a breath of fresh air. I honestly do believe that all things do come full circle. I also believe that some things are appreciated greater from afar. I parted ways with a friend that was really my sister; we shared the same parents and siblings – not through blood but through time and experience. Things fell apart because we were both growing rapidly and were so much alike that we bumped heads. It’s not about getting people to understand, it’s about doing what works and what brings delight. I think that absence was the best thing that happened for our friendship. A tragic occurrence lead to our friendship being brought back to life and I just really think that it was the work of destiny. I feel warm knowing that we forgave each other; it’s a beautiful feeling to let go.

Ended from the Beginning

Have you ever started something with someone knowing that it had no clear direction? I don’t do this often because I am one of these people who has to know why each person is in my life and what purpose they serve. I even sometimes “cut the fat” to feel sane. But there are those times when I start up a friendship or situationship that has no definition – it just is. I am a lover of organic things in life so maybe that’s the part of me that enjoys doing this. I started something roughly a year ago that has brought me more positive emotion than negative, and that makes me feel alive. Is that enough to allow it to continue? I’m sensitive and ooze passion so I am naturally putting more in than I should be, that’s one thing for sure. But damn there’s no reward without risk right? I hope someone feels me on this, or am I the only weirdo who does things of this caliber? I just want to FEEL, isn’t that what life is about? The cute little things that aren’t even worth mentioning when you tell the story back to your friends? Testing the waters? Living on the edge? It’s one of those things that you know could potentially be a bad investment, but that was brought to you so you feel like you need to explore. I’m at a Crossroad, will I see you there or just Bone Thugs N Harmony. Nah?

Ignorance isn’t always a Bad thing

This week I have just been living obliviously for the lack of a better adjective and I must say that it feels good. I think this is the secret to life. There are problems that exist, but as long as they aren’t detrimental, why worry? I have been counting my blessings and just enjoying every breath. I feel like this is the way to live life so why don’t I do it all the time? It’s really all about mindset; I mean you can literally dictate what will become of your day!!! Ya’ll don’t hear me though likeeeeee, whew! I had an epiphany somewhere between here and Sunday and I just feel high. I think that as long as we allow ourselves to release tension by using whatever method is comforting to us, we can live life elevated. It is truly all about those choices we make when we are feeling the most empowered.

Now that I have left you feeling like I’m an utter psychopath, my job is done.

Let go and live.

-M

La Vida Limbo

The plan is not to settle. It has been, is, and will always be. This means that I will have an everlasting fight. The fight is often times within me rather than with external forces. The fight means that sometimes I have to live in complete uncertainty despite the fact that I am a self-diagnosed control freak. I have taken this crazy oath on a stack of pink Bibles that I will not settle in any aspect of my life. This oath stretches from courtship with men to the letter grade my instructor gives me at the end of a term. I am not perfect so sometimes I do fall short of the high mark I strive for but since my expectations for myself are so high failure is still success. Yes, failure is still success. I am only trying to set myself up to win because I encounter someone losing on almost a daily basis.

Being afraid to exit your comfort zone makes you a loser. As strange as it sounds some people work hard to be a loser and work hard to be unhappy. People are working right now to keep relationships together that should be ended. They are fighting the inevitable and breaking who they are just to be unhappy. They are putting in countless years in at a job eight miserable hours per day, five days a week in some dank office. When you know something is not right, you feel it in your gut but some people seem to just attribute this instinctual feeling to gas and keep treading down the wrong path. I don’t ever want to be one of those people. I think that maybe I don’t go as far in relationship development as most because I don’t believe in using force. I have experienced the beauty of organic friendships and relationships and I would never want anything less.

Living with uncertainty often means that I am summoned to find the silver lining. It means that I must spend more time alone than the average human so that I can keep my thoughts focused and collected. It means that many people will not understand me. It means that some people will have negative feelings toward me because I am able to reject their senseless offerings. It means that I have chosen to take the unpaved road instead of hitting cruise control down that newly paved highway. It means that I am learning how important patience really is. It means that faith is my compass.

I am standing in the gap just working hard with my head down. Watch out because when I look up, I will be one hell of a woman.

Never settle,
-M

Nice Girls Finish Last

June has been super-duper rough and my stars just don’t seem to be aligned. I have a goal of making at least two posts per month and it’s been a struggle, writer’s block has been tackling me like some big musty football player. I popped Brandy’s Full Moon CD from 2002 in my PC and it’s providing some relief so I’m going with it. I’ve decided just to rant in hopes that someone can relate to a sistah.

Last Place – Okay so on the race to finding something constant with the opposite sex, I’m for sure a turtle. The age old saying is that nice guys finish last but the girls are back here too. I’m last in the race but I don’t see any nice guys back here with me, hmmm I’m confused. I can literally stroke these keys to say that I always have my friends and acquaintances best interests at heart in every action that I take. My eyes start to water from the bottom as I then type that I feel as though this is not always reciprocated. The thing is that these people who don’t love me the same aren’t the bearers of my blessings so I will continue being who I am no matter how many battle wounds it gives. Those who take advantage of my kindness or generosity and even assume that I am weak because of it will have something greater to answer to than a confrontation from me. I just expect someone to be genuine, circumstances are relative.

Not so Casual – So I’m beginning to eat my words. I thought I could play the game where I really didn’t “care” or commit. But I do freaking care, I care too much and often times about the wrong people. Now being who I am, why on God’s green earth would I ever get the idea that I could take the emotion out of anything? I literally had a roster of guys who I was entertaining and I had to lay them off. I just can’t. I want attention when I want it and there’s a problem when no one on the team is available. Like really? And on top of that, some of the other people on their rosters aren’t on my level so then it makes me seem less than what I am, at least in my mind. So committing to not commit was really turning out to being me selling myself short. I have worked waaaaay too hard to build myself up and realize how much worth I encompass to settle. My team has been laid off and I am back to being a loner for now. I’ll just let serendipity do its thang!

It’s my Anniversary – Ummm so my birthday is in about twenty days and I can’t think of any major accomplishments that I want to brag about. I can say that I survived and kicked my adversities in the donkey. I can say that my faith was tested and I passed. I had some cloudy days and times but my faith in sunshine got me through. My support system never ceases to amaze me, I have people that speak so highly of me and all I am doing is being me so I’m often baffled on top of being flattered by their opinions. I can say that if there aren’t people like that in your life, you need to march your behind back to square one. I will take the year and thank it for the beautiful memories and amazing triumphs and tests of my forever growing faith and courage.

Goals are Wiggly – One day I think I know exactly what I want to do and then the next I’m so confused. This month alone, I wanted to go to flight attendant school, move to Philadelphia in pursuit of a fashion job, move to Atlanta to escalate with my current job, and quit my job and live with my parents to write a book. There is not a day that goes by that I am not dreaming. I thank God for this ability, I am seeing it as more of a talent than anything else as I encounter people who don’t have goals and are content. I don’t understand what life is without goals as I have had them since I learned how to write. I love to dream, it literally keeps me young. I will not stop making leaps toward what I want, I will land on the lily pad that’s meant for me soon enough. My goals may wiggle but I think it works for me; I just had an epiphany writing this. Any movement is better than no movement at all.

Secretly Steve
– What most people don’t know about me is that I used to be an extremely shy person like extreeeeeemely. Once I was around a bunch of outgoing people, I learned how to speak up and that closed mouths don’t get fed. Being quiet and passive literally gets you nothing but stepped on. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I clam up but I now have an inner lion that tells me to buck up. Okay so I may have learned to become more outspoken but I’m still secretly Steven Q. Urkel. I still have sweaty palms and almost swallow my tongue in social settings, especially if it’s a new enviornment to me altogether. The trouble with this plight is that no one believes this to be true, I guess I have the whole fake it to you make it thing down packed. I just want to cry about the fact that it takes me so much more than the “normal” person to do new things and meet new people and then I will be fine. I think I experience some sort of apprehension daily but I will not stop overcoming my fears because I have a good success rate for favorable outcomes.

Full Plate – I just don’t know how to exist without having my plate full of things to do. I think I am my best when I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I like to prove to myself that I can handle a lot and I don’t feel accomplished until I’m exhausted. My ideal way to live right now is to have two jobs and while exceling as a full-time student. I feel like I’m playing catch up after being side tracked for several years and anything less than overdrive makes me feel inadequate. I’m not sure if this is a flaw or what but some guy did once tell me that “two jobs is for two people”. That guy doesn’t pay my bills or buy me new purses and shoes so I don’t think he knew what he was talking about. Ahhhhh, I don’t know but I just really don’t feel like I deserve to lay on the couch like a bump on a log until I can say that my blurry dreams are in fact reality. Am I trippin’ or just determined?

Well my friends, the random rant is over, I hope you enjoyed this dose of me.

Your favorite turtle,

-M

Duped in a Small World

story time

There is no fiction as strange as the truth. This saying really couldn’t be truer especially when it comes to my life as Mila. With that being said, please fasten your seatbelt and grab some Orville Redenbacher’s for your enjoyment while I share this short story. The events that I am about to share are real but the names have been changed.

About three months ago, I opted out of being a couch potato and decided to go hang out with one of my fun friends, Erica. Erica and I had a wonderful night out just letting our hair down, bobbing our heads to new music, taking bathroom selfies and of course giggling over drinks. At bar number two, I was approached by a guy who said he was in love with my hair. Now, I was not the most sober person in the world but I still thought he was a weirdo. He was dressed in decent clothes and his breath smelled okay so I allowed him to flirt with me. I must have been feeling really good because I let homeboy have my number. I am typically not the girl who gives her number out while she is out on the town but I was clearly off my game. Because I have a hard time rejecting others I typically give out my cell number from like ten years ago or even my friend Trina’s number. The following day or the day after, this guy texted me and the textersation probably only lasted for like four bubbles before my interest was lost. Okay got that down right?

Now, let’s fast forward to about three or four weeks ago. I found myself on that ratchet dating site again and behold there was a nice looking guy. Additionally he possessed a sense of humor and said he was from Philly, Philly is on my list of prospective places to move and find my dream job so I’m all like tell me more! We exchanged a few messages on the site and then finally he asked for my number. Oh and it will be important to know that he is an aspiring vocalist and sent me a video of him belting out a John Legend song, it wasn’t bad either. Despite the fact that he used all CAPS when texting, he seemed pretty cool and he could joke with me, that was a major plus. We decided to meet up and we hung out very briefly, the chemistry was not there, I could even go on to say that I was slightly annoyed. He was shorter than me, the same height as my mother precisely and he immediately began calling me by a pet name. Okay so after our hang out time ended, he sent me several texts proclaiming how much he liked me and blah blah blaaaaah; guess he felt a spark that I didn’t. His aura just didn’t rub me right and he caught on after my replies to him stayed under four words.

Hit the fast forward button for one last time for me. Okay so here I am minding my business and I get a text from the original guy. For the sake of the story let’s call him Eddie. Okay so I receive a “What are you up to” text from Eddie out of the blue and by this time I have not a clue who he is. He told me to follow him on Instagram so that I could refresh my memory and I did. Upon him accepting my request, I began looking through his pictures and I’ll be damned if I did not see him in a picture with the singer guy. I also found the same video clipping of dude singing too, Eddie posted it “shouting” him out.

HOLY CRAP…WAIIIIIIIT! Wait, was I catfished? Hold up hmmmm, that doesn’t apply. Were they playing a game with me? OMG when I first met Eddie he was with someone at that bar, was it singer dude? Did he seek me out? My mind was literally exploding. I was totally freaked out and had a mini meltdown. How in the heck was the world that small? Why me Lord, Whhhhhhy? Was it just a legitimate coincidence or do I need to consider witness protection? Neither one of these guys was ever even a true prospect, there was so much wasted energy that this situation demanded.

Ahhhhh well, I suppose this story has some sort of moral outside of the fact that the happenings in my life seem to be a clusterfuck that only a run on sentence could explain. Two things I took away were to delete my online dating profile for good. You could literally be who you want online and manipulate the hair off someone’s head. I’m just too genuine an naïve for that sort of thing. The second lesson is to not give my number out just for the hell of it. I honestly never do but this whole story was a prime example of why I don’t do such a thing. It was confirmation, if you will. Are you still with me? It wasn’t even Friday the thirteenth, HA! Ewsies, recalling this story makes me want to get a third lock installed on my front door.

Watch out for the boogie man.

-M

The Spark

spark

When you first meet a member of the opposite sex, is every meeting the same? My theory is that everyone possesses some sort of energy and that when two energies that are meant for each other come in contact, there is a spark. Its electric, boogie oogy oogy oogy?! For me, if that spark doesn’t happen, I’m leery of the initial and any future contacts with the fella in question. I’ve also found that the spark can exist with what seems to be the wrong guy; does the spark make the wrong right? In all of those wonderful Disney movies and romantic comedies starring Cameron Diaz, the spark is always instant but I believe that in real life, we have to sometimes do some rubbing to get the spark going.

So in true Mila fashion, I am going to share a list of things that get that spark going for me outside of rubbing a rock against his chest:

Honesty – Ohhhhh my gosh, even if what is being shared is unfavorable, the raw and uncut truth is sure to get that fire a-going. There is nothing sexier than someone who does not lie, I’m talking about the bold faced lies as well as the ones by omission. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m transparent so encountering someone who is an opportunist and/or dishonest is sure to be harmful to me. No country for sparks with a liar.

Physical attributes
– I really hated to put this on my list since I’m a ride or die fan of the anti-superficial movement but there are just some things that physically turn us on. For me, it is height and skin tone. There will be some sort of spark if the guy is taller than me and has the same skin tone as a Hershey bar. Call the fire squad if he has on some fresh kicks and his teeth are sparkling white.

Aggression – no, no, no, not in the Ike Turner way but just a guy who knows how to take initiative. Be a man with a plan, especially during our first few encounters. I just can’t really get jiggy with this new age stuff where the guy just wants to come sit on my couch. Take me out; show me off, I’m surely worth an ice cream cone or a matinee movie. Don’t just tell me you want to see me, ask me to go with you to walk your dog in the park or hell even ride through the automatic car wash with you. Just be aggressive like a man should be!

Humor – Whats the saying, if you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything? Welp, its freaking true! The funny guy always wins and I don’t mean the douche bag who’s “trying”. I’m talking about the cute corny stuff or the guy who laughs instead of getting angry. That is super sweet and so admirable. If he has a sense of humor and knows how to let things roll off of his back, no rock will be required to get sparked up!

The spark isn’t always there initially and it doesn’t always come later either. Be patient. We just have to be cautious as well and discern when to throw the rock down and when to keep rubbing. During my stay in Singletown, I am learning that the best relationships are the ones that no one saw coming. I love all things unconventional so I know that I will be working at the spark with whomever, whenever.

I’m headed outside to find the perfect rock. If you stay ready you ain’t gotta get ready, right?

-M

Men are From Earth

intblog

One day while doing laundry my mind just would not stop wandering. As a single chick, gosh yeah I talk about my marital status a lot huh? Okay so as a single chick I often wonder if I possess what the opposite sex is seeking. If I jumped to conclusions, the short answer would be no solely based off of the fact that I have yet to be the apple of someone’s eye. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to put my research team to work. I communicated with some of my friends and coworkers and asked them to poll some of their male counterparts. Guys from all walks of life answered two simple questions, “What peaks your interest in a woman? What keeps your interest in a woman?” I got raw and uncut answers that were gathered by my team via text, social networks, and even in person. Not only did I want to determine if I was still in the running as someone’s future queen but I wanted to be able to share my results with my other readers who are living in Singleville with me.

Here’s a peep at some of the raw data gathered:

“Boobs”
– age 39, Operations manager

“Catches my interest: Beauty…Keeps it: personality, humility, conversation, ambition, and friendship.”

“The head, big booties, boobs, Loyalty ya know” – age 25, entrepreneur

“…I think there comes a point when you want to not only see them as much as possible but when you talk with them it’s almost like you’re talking to your best friend… Hmmm that’s a question with a lot of answers. Attraction aside, someone that I can talk to and relate with. Someone you can be yourself around.”- age 27, complex order supervisor

“Fat azzes and yoga pants. Sex, gifts, and food, good sense of humor :Yea and it has to be new things not the same ole shit. Keep me interested.” – age 30, Caseworker

“Good morning, she thinks that a guy that has been single for 9 years is a good research subject?
A good playful personality and the ability to be just one of the guys is way more attractive than physique. Plus knowing how to dress to be respectful to one’s self, and being strong and confident know, I just described a lesbian. lol except for the respectful dress attire.”
– age 37, produce manager

“All B’s…Beauty N Booty catches it, Brains N Baking keep it…But everybody is different.”

“A chick with a sense of humor. We need to be able to have fun. We like that random silliness” – age 26, caseworker

“For me, Im more about mental attraction than how a woman looks, but I like curves! A woman that takes care of her man, isn’t afraid to let him be the man is what keeps me! A woman that is secure, sensual, comfortable in her sexuality, and funny is the type that will keep me. I don’t like manly women, or ghetto, loud-mouthed women.”–
age 36, IT rep

“Beauty and brains of course but ambitious and good in the kitchen makes her a keeper.”

I didn’t want to bore you with each and every answer but just wanted to provide a solid sample. The other responses were consistent with the ones that I have shared above. Ya see, what men want is fairly simple, someone who looks good, has a good head on her shoulders, can cook, has a personality, and is “down” for them. These results were refreshing to me because they were reasonable. There is nothing out of the norm and the general consensus is that men knew how to answer this question immediately. If I were to flip the script and ask women what they wanted, as a woman I know that the answers would be more longwinded and maybe even unreasonable. I always say I want someone is sensitive but thugged out too, this is a prime example.

What I am getting at is that men seem to be more simple and specific than we try to make them seem. Men are more physical in mentality than us women so physical attributes being listed is not a surprise. The wonderful thing about men is that they all have different preferences when it comes to what they find visually appealing so there is hope that there is someone out there who will think you are perfect, no matter your body type! I am anti-superficial but still understand this.

Men are from Earth, they know what they want. This research project that I created for myself was sort of like a breath of fresh air for me. I am assured that I am what someone is looking for, my world just hasn’t collided with that somebody. Ahhhhh, patience is key in each and everything. What do you think? Are you with me on this, are these guys expecting reasonable things? Feel free to chime in, debates are healthy.

Always be you, someone will love it.

-M