Nice Girls Finish Last

June has been super-duper rough and my stars just don’t seem to be aligned. I have a goal of making at least two posts per month and it’s been a struggle, writer’s block has been tackling me like some big musty football player. I popped Brandy’s Full Moon CD from 2002 in my PC and it’s providing some relief so I’m going with it. I’ve decided just to rant in hopes that someone can relate to a sistah.

Last Place – Okay so on the race to finding something constant with the opposite sex, I’m for sure a turtle. The age old saying is that nice guys finish last but the girls are back here too. I’m last in the race but I don’t see any nice guys back here with me, hmmm I’m confused. I can literally stroke these keys to say that I always have my friends and acquaintances best interests at heart in every action that I take. My eyes start to water from the bottom as I then type that I feel as though this is not always reciprocated. The thing is that these people who don’t love me the same aren’t the bearers of my blessings so I will continue being who I am no matter how many battle wounds it gives. Those who take advantage of my kindness or generosity and even assume that I am weak because of it will have something greater to answer to than a confrontation from me. I just expect someone to be genuine, circumstances are relative.

Not so Casual – So I’m beginning to eat my words. I thought I could play the game where I really didn’t “care” or commit. But I do freaking care, I care too much and often times about the wrong people. Now being who I am, why on God’s green earth would I ever get the idea that I could take the emotion out of anything? I literally had a roster of guys who I was entertaining and I had to lay them off. I just can’t. I want attention when I want it and there’s a problem when no one on the team is available. Like really? And on top of that, some of the other people on their rosters aren’t on my level so then it makes me seem less than what I am, at least in my mind. So committing to not commit was really turning out to being me selling myself short. I have worked waaaaay too hard to build myself up and realize how much worth I encompass to settle. My team has been laid off and I am back to being a loner for now. I’ll just let serendipity do its thang!

It’s my Anniversary – Ummm so my birthday is in about twenty days and I can’t think of any major accomplishments that I want to brag about. I can say that I survived and kicked my adversities in the donkey. I can say that my faith was tested and I passed. I had some cloudy days and times but my faith in sunshine got me through. My support system never ceases to amaze me, I have people that speak so highly of me and all I am doing is being me so I’m often baffled on top of being flattered by their opinions. I can say that if there aren’t people like that in your life, you need to march your behind back to square one. I will take the year and thank it for the beautiful memories and amazing triumphs and tests of my forever growing faith and courage.

Goals are Wiggly – One day I think I know exactly what I want to do and then the next I’m so confused. This month alone, I wanted to go to flight attendant school, move to Philadelphia in pursuit of a fashion job, move to Atlanta to escalate with my current job, and quit my job and live with my parents to write a book. There is not a day that goes by that I am not dreaming. I thank God for this ability, I am seeing it as more of a talent than anything else as I encounter people who don’t have goals and are content. I don’t understand what life is without goals as I have had them since I learned how to write. I love to dream, it literally keeps me young. I will not stop making leaps toward what I want, I will land on the lily pad that’s meant for me soon enough. My goals may wiggle but I think it works for me; I just had an epiphany writing this. Any movement is better than no movement at all.

Secretly Steve
– What most people don’t know about me is that I used to be an extremely shy person like extreeeeeemely. Once I was around a bunch of outgoing people, I learned how to speak up and that closed mouths don’t get fed. Being quiet and passive literally gets you nothing but stepped on. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I clam up but I now have an inner lion that tells me to buck up. Okay so I may have learned to become more outspoken but I’m still secretly Steven Q. Urkel. I still have sweaty palms and almost swallow my tongue in social settings, especially if it’s a new enviornment to me altogether. The trouble with this plight is that no one believes this to be true, I guess I have the whole fake it to you make it thing down packed. I just want to cry about the fact that it takes me so much more than the “normal” person to do new things and meet new people and then I will be fine. I think I experience some sort of apprehension daily but I will not stop overcoming my fears because I have a good success rate for favorable outcomes.

Full Plate – I just don’t know how to exist without having my plate full of things to do. I think I am my best when I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I like to prove to myself that I can handle a lot and I don’t feel accomplished until I’m exhausted. My ideal way to live right now is to have two jobs and while exceling as a full-time student. I feel like I’m playing catch up after being side tracked for several years and anything less than overdrive makes me feel inadequate. I’m not sure if this is a flaw or what but some guy did once tell me that “two jobs is for two people”. That guy doesn’t pay my bills or buy me new purses and shoes so I don’t think he knew what he was talking about. Ahhhhh, I don’t know but I just really don’t feel like I deserve to lay on the couch like a bump on a log until I can say that my blurry dreams are in fact reality. Am I trippin’ or just determined?

Well my friends, the random rant is over, I hope you enjoyed this dose of me.

Your favorite turtle,

-M

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Duped in a Small World

story time

There is no fiction as strange as the truth. This saying really couldn’t be truer especially when it comes to my life as Mila. With that being said, please fasten your seatbelt and grab some Orville Redenbacher’s for your enjoyment while I share this short story. The events that I am about to share are real but the names have been changed.

About three months ago, I opted out of being a couch potato and decided to go hang out with one of my fun friends, Erica. Erica and I had a wonderful night out just letting our hair down, bobbing our heads to new music, taking bathroom selfies and of course giggling over drinks. At bar number two, I was approached by a guy who said he was in love with my hair. Now, I was not the most sober person in the world but I still thought he was a weirdo. He was dressed in decent clothes and his breath smelled okay so I allowed him to flirt with me. I must have been feeling really good because I let homeboy have my number. I am typically not the girl who gives her number out while she is out on the town but I was clearly off my game. Because I have a hard time rejecting others I typically give out my cell number from like ten years ago or even my friend Trina’s number. The following day or the day after, this guy texted me and the textersation probably only lasted for like four bubbles before my interest was lost. Okay got that down right?

Now, let’s fast forward to about three or four weeks ago. I found myself on that ratchet dating site again and behold there was a nice looking guy. Additionally he possessed a sense of humor and said he was from Philly, Philly is on my list of prospective places to move and find my dream job so I’m all like tell me more! We exchanged a few messages on the site and then finally he asked for my number. Oh and it will be important to know that he is an aspiring vocalist and sent me a video of him belting out a John Legend song, it wasn’t bad either. Despite the fact that he used all CAPS when texting, he seemed pretty cool and he could joke with me, that was a major plus. We decided to meet up and we hung out very briefly, the chemistry was not there, I could even go on to say that I was slightly annoyed. He was shorter than me, the same height as my mother precisely and he immediately began calling me by a pet name. Okay so after our hang out time ended, he sent me several texts proclaiming how much he liked me and blah blah blaaaaah; guess he felt a spark that I didn’t. His aura just didn’t rub me right and he caught on after my replies to him stayed under four words.

Hit the fast forward button for one last time for me. Okay so here I am minding my business and I get a text from the original guy. For the sake of the story let’s call him Eddie. Okay so I receive a “What are you up to” text from Eddie out of the blue and by this time I have not a clue who he is. He told me to follow him on Instagram so that I could refresh my memory and I did. Upon him accepting my request, I began looking through his pictures and I’ll be damned if I did not see him in a picture with the singer guy. I also found the same video clipping of dude singing too, Eddie posted it “shouting” him out.

HOLY CRAP…WAIIIIIIIT! Wait, was I catfished? Hold up hmmmm, that doesn’t apply. Were they playing a game with me? OMG when I first met Eddie he was with someone at that bar, was it singer dude? Did he seek me out? My mind was literally exploding. I was totally freaked out and had a mini meltdown. How in the heck was the world that small? Why me Lord, Whhhhhhy? Was it just a legitimate coincidence or do I need to consider witness protection? Neither one of these guys was ever even a true prospect, there was so much wasted energy that this situation demanded.

Ahhhhh well, I suppose this story has some sort of moral outside of the fact that the happenings in my life seem to be a clusterfuck that only a run on sentence could explain. Two things I took away were to delete my online dating profile for good. You could literally be who you want online and manipulate the hair off someone’s head. I’m just too genuine an naïve for that sort of thing. The second lesson is to not give my number out just for the hell of it. I honestly never do but this whole story was a prime example of why I don’t do such a thing. It was confirmation, if you will. Are you still with me? It wasn’t even Friday the thirteenth, HA! Ewsies, recalling this story makes me want to get a third lock installed on my front door.

Watch out for the boogie man.

-M

Men are From Earth

intblog

One day while doing laundry my mind just would not stop wandering. As a single chick, gosh yeah I talk about my marital status a lot huh? Okay so as a single chick I often wonder if I possess what the opposite sex is seeking. If I jumped to conclusions, the short answer would be no solely based off of the fact that I have yet to be the apple of someone’s eye. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to put my research team to work. I communicated with some of my friends and coworkers and asked them to poll some of their male counterparts. Guys from all walks of life answered two simple questions, “What peaks your interest in a woman? What keeps your interest in a woman?” I got raw and uncut answers that were gathered by my team via text, social networks, and even in person. Not only did I want to determine if I was still in the running as someone’s future queen but I wanted to be able to share my results with my other readers who are living in Singleville with me.

Here’s a peep at some of the raw data gathered:

“Boobs”
– age 39, Operations manager

“Catches my interest: Beauty…Keeps it: personality, humility, conversation, ambition, and friendship.”

“The head, big booties, boobs, Loyalty ya know” – age 25, entrepreneur

“…I think there comes a point when you want to not only see them as much as possible but when you talk with them it’s almost like you’re talking to your best friend… Hmmm that’s a question with a lot of answers. Attraction aside, someone that I can talk to and relate with. Someone you can be yourself around.”- age 27, complex order supervisor

“Fat azzes and yoga pants. Sex, gifts, and food, good sense of humor :Yea and it has to be new things not the same ole shit. Keep me interested.” – age 30, Caseworker

“Good morning, she thinks that a guy that has been single for 9 years is a good research subject?
A good playful personality and the ability to be just one of the guys is way more attractive than physique. Plus knowing how to dress to be respectful to one’s self, and being strong and confident know, I just described a lesbian. lol except for the respectful dress attire.”
– age 37, produce manager

“All B’s…Beauty N Booty catches it, Brains N Baking keep it…But everybody is different.”

“A chick with a sense of humor. We need to be able to have fun. We like that random silliness” – age 26, caseworker

“For me, Im more about mental attraction than how a woman looks, but I like curves! A woman that takes care of her man, isn’t afraid to let him be the man is what keeps me! A woman that is secure, sensual, comfortable in her sexuality, and funny is the type that will keep me. I don’t like manly women, or ghetto, loud-mouthed women.”–
age 36, IT rep

“Beauty and brains of course but ambitious and good in the kitchen makes her a keeper.”

I didn’t want to bore you with each and every answer but just wanted to provide a solid sample. The other responses were consistent with the ones that I have shared above. Ya see, what men want is fairly simple, someone who looks good, has a good head on her shoulders, can cook, has a personality, and is “down” for them. These results were refreshing to me because they were reasonable. There is nothing out of the norm and the general consensus is that men knew how to answer this question immediately. If I were to flip the script and ask women what they wanted, as a woman I know that the answers would be more longwinded and maybe even unreasonable. I always say I want someone is sensitive but thugged out too, this is a prime example.

What I am getting at is that men seem to be more simple and specific than we try to make them seem. Men are more physical in mentality than us women so physical attributes being listed is not a surprise. The wonderful thing about men is that they all have different preferences when it comes to what they find visually appealing so there is hope that there is someone out there who will think you are perfect, no matter your body type! I am anti-superficial but still understand this.

Men are from Earth, they know what they want. This research project that I created for myself was sort of like a breath of fresh air for me. I am assured that I am what someone is looking for, my world just hasn’t collided with that somebody. Ahhhhh, patience is key in each and everything. What do you think? Are you with me on this, are these guys expecting reasonable things? Feel free to chime in, debates are healthy.

Always be you, someone will love it.

-M

Technology: The Secrecy Thief

fail
As I’ve scrolled through my timeline on any given social network, I’ve been met with pictures of ultrasounds, babies with vaginal mucus on them, announcements of relationship status changes, and so many other private matters. I’m no hater and I have nothing but respect for the creation of life and will congratulate or compliment when necessary, but how am I, the girl who you worked with ten years ago more privy to information that you haven’t even shared with your extended family yet? The use of the internet and cellular devices has blurred the lines between what’s sacred and what should be public. Personally, I feel uncomfortable knowing about every argument you and your “baby daddy” have. Thank the internet gods for the block button! I have a spirit that is shy, goofy, and sensitive – so often times I don’t know if I should laugh, cry, or blush upon reading some of the things that are shared. I have been out to dinner with folks who let their food get cold as they try to get the picture of it for upload onto the internet for their followers to see. This is jaw dropping for me and a bit obsessive.

If you’ve read any of my other posts or know me in the flesh, you know that I am single. So of course, I have an overflowing amount of thoughts and theories on how the internet affects relationships and dating. A person is often times leading a double life via their social network which raises tons of issues. Let me break down a few types of those social network users for the purpose of putting things into perspective:

Sorrow-Filled Sally: This is the girl who is seeking some sort of attention but she isn’t sure what. She will fill your newsfeed with sorrow in all forms including pictures and sad quotes. She happens to know about all of the bad things going in the news and everyone in her town who dies. If anything negative occurs, Sorrow-Filled Sally will know before TMZ and she can’t wait to update her status or post a picture related to the event. Nothing good ever happens to Sorrow-Filled Sally and her negative posts will enter your spirit unknowingly and potentially ruin your day. Let Sally wallow in her sadness alone and steer clear, even if she’s your mom.

Bitter Betty: Betty is so bitter that the irritation flows through everything that she does. Bitter Betty has made some poor choice, is definitely single and she is angry at everything but mostly herself. Bitter Betty will be the only one who does not like you’re statuses or compliment any of your photos. She is filled with so much anger that you could be Jesus himself and it would not change her attitude. Just let Betty be bitter and stay away from this contagious type. She would love to suck the joy out of you.

Attention Seeking Andy: Oh Andy is just a jerk or at least tries to play the role of one. Andy will take any Attention rather it is positive or negative. He will post less than favorable pictures with the sole purpose of gaining a reaction. Andy does nothing but search the internet all day to find something to post on a social network, God bless his soul. We can only pray that one day Andy gets a girlfriend or realizes that he is missing out on many things in life due to his weird need to gain attention from a boat load of people who do not care.

Stunting Stan: We all know Stan. He only posts pictures when he buys something and it seems like he has never earned a favorable possession in his life. No one really knows Stan’s purpose of posting every pair of tennis shoes that he buys or his gaming systems. Perhaps Stan wants to get robbed, can anyone else think of a motive that Stan may have?

Perception Patty: Patty is one of my favorites. Patty will only post pictures after she has added at least three filters because she has to appear perfect. Patty wants everyone to perceive that her life is extremely perfect. Patty is usually miserable and single but she has a way with angles and her front facing camera that will give any professional photographer a run for their money. Just pray for Patty as you read her posts and look at her pictures. Hopefully one day Patty will realize that flaws are more attractive than the fact that she is obsessed with how she is perceived. Patty may not even know who she is, poor thing.

I could really go on and on with several different characters but my point is that we spend so much time on the internet that we begin to seek things from people who do not matter. I wouldn’t mind going back to my first cell phone, a red Nokia with the black letters on a green background for the screen. There was just something more pure about the cell phone with antennas. It seems like then, we only used the phone for calls and we actually talked to one another. A text will never be as intimate as a verbal conversation. The fact that we are sharing with the sacrifice of enjoying the actual thing that we are sharing is sad in itself. I personally am going to work on weaning myself from my iPhone and spend more time stopping and smelling the roses. Why don’t you join me?